IT’S AMAZING HOW WHEN I’M TIRED, EVERYTHING IS MORE INTENSE.
I’M A LITTLE MORE LONELY.
I’M A LITTLE MORE SAD.
I CRY A LITTLE MORE.
I’M A LITTLE BIT ANGRIER.
I’M A LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE.
I’M A LITTLE MORE AWARE OF THE FACT THAT I DON’T HAVE A MOMMA HERE ANYMORE.


I HAVE BEEN CLINGING TO THESE VERSES WITH ALL THAT I AM:

“BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO MOURN, FOR THEY SHALL BE COMFORTED.”
*JESUS*

“BLESSED BE THE GOD AND FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THE FATHER OF MERCIES AND GOD OF ALL COMFORT, WHO COMFORTS US IN ALL OUR AFFLICTION SO THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO COMFORT THOSE WHO ARE IN ANY AFFLICTION WITH THE COMFORT WITH WHICH WE OURSELVES ARE COMFORTED BY GOD. FOR JUST AS THE SUFFERINGS OF CHRIST ARE OURS IN ABUNDANCE, SO ALSO OUR COMFORT IS ABUNDANT THROUGH CHRIST.”

*II CORINTHIANS 1:3-5*

SOME RANDOM THINGS FROM THE LIBRARY OF MY BRAIN.

1. I’M SO EXCITED ABOUT WHAT LIES AHEAD. THERE’S SO MUCH HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, AND THINGS THAT WILL BE HAPPENING, AND THERE’S JUST SO MUCH GOOD IN IT. EVER FELT LIKE YOU JUST HAD A SPECIAL FEELING, LIKE AN AMAZING SECRET THAT ONLY YOU KNEW?.......THAT’S HOW I’VE BEEN FEELING LATELY. CAN’T REALLY EXPLAIN IT ANY WAY OTHER THAN THAT. AND, I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE SCHOOL YEAR FOR DYLAN!! HE’S SUCH A SMART LITTLE BABY!!! HE’S DOING SO WELL WITH READING, AND NOW HE’S ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE “BUT WHAT DOES THE ‘G’ SAY IN ‘LIGHT’?.......WELL, THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER BALLGAME, SON!! LOTS TO LEARN, THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS STINKIN’ HARD!! ANYWAY, HE LOVES SCHOOL. I’M USING A VARIETY OF DIFFERENT THINGS THIS YEAR. AND THE LITTLE LAD KNOWS CLOSE TO 60 VERSES NOW. (HE KNOWS MORE THAN I KNOW, THAT’S SAD) I THINK I NEED TO START HIM ON LEARNING LONGER PASSAGES. KEEP IN MIND, I’M NOT PUSHING THIS ON HIM BY ANY MEANS. HE HAS AN EXCELLENT MEMORY, SO I THINK I’D BE DOING HIM HARM IN NOT HELPING HIM USE IT!! HE HEARS THESE VERSES A FEW TIMES, AND THEN HE KNOWS THEM. I HAVE A VIDEO OF HIM SAYING MOST OF THEM, IF I WERE COMPUTER LITERATE, I’D PUT IT ON HERE. ANYWAY, THERE’S JUST SO MUCH WE’RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS SUMMER, AND I CAN’T WAIT!!! HOMESCHOOLING IS SO MUCH FUN. AND I’M GLAD HE’S LOVING IT.

2. IN THE SAME BREATH, THERE ARE STILL MANY HARD MOMENTS TO FACE. WE HAD TO TAKE A TRIP TO EDMOND THIS WEEKEND. THIS WAS THE FIRST TRIP THERE SINCE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN DECEMBER. I CRINGED WHEN WE TURNED AT OUR FIRST EXIT THERE. ALL I KEPT SEEING IN MY HEAD WERE ALL THE HORRIBLE IMAGES FROM THEN. AND THEN GOING BACK TO THE APARTMENT…WELL, IT WAS JUST A REALLY HARD NIGHT.

3. THAT BEING SAID, I RELISH IN THE LORD’S GRACE AND WHAT HE’S TAUGHT ME. HE’S TAUGHT ME THAT FACING REALITY IS THE ONLY WAY….*NOT JUST ONE WAY*….BUT THE ONLY WAY TO GET THROUGH LIFE. I COULD EASILY HAVE PUSHED ALL THE THOUGHTS/FEELINGS/EMOTIONS…(OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL THEM) ASIDE THESE PAST FEW MONTHS. BUT I SIMPLY COULDN’T. PRETENDING HORRIBLE THINGS DON’T HAPPEN IN LIFE DOESN’T MAKE THEM GO AWAY. PRETENDING GOD DOESN’T ALLOW SORROW DOESN’T MAKE THE SORROW LEAVE. PRETENDING EVERYTHING IS JUST PEACHY, WHEN THEY’RE CLEARLY HORRIBLE, DOESN’T MAKE LIFE MAGICALLY “GET BETTER”. I FEEL SO MUCH PITY FOR PEOPLE WHO LIVE UNDER THESE FALSE NOTIONS THAT WE’RE ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY. THAT’S NOT TRUE, NOR IS IT BIBLICAL. WAS JESUS HAPPY WHEN HE WAS CARRYING A CROSS AT GOLGOTHA? WAS HE HAPPY WHEN HE VISITED MOURNERS? WAS HE HAPPY WHEN HE SAW PEOPLE LIVING IN DECEIT? THAT’S BEEN THE WEIRDEST. WHEN PEOPLE HAVE EXPECTED ME TO PUT ON A HAPPY FACE AND GO ON….BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT MY MOMMA WOULD’VE WANTED. REALLY? DID SHE TELL YOU THAT? PLEASE DON’T MISTAKE WHAT I’M SAYING. I’M NOT SAYING BEING HAPPY ISN’T GOOD. IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME NOT LAUGHING. I’VE ALWAYS BEEN HAPPY, SINCE I WAS A BABY. BUT THERE ARE THINGS IN LIFE THAT ARE DEFINITELY NOT FUNNY. THEY’RE NOT JOYOUS. THEY’RE NOT HAPPY. THEY’RE HORRIBLE. AND SO MANY PEOPLE TRY TO PUT A HAPPY FACE ON THINGS, AND THAT’S NOT WHAT WERE’ SUPPOSED TO DO!! AND ANOTHER THING THAT JUST BREAKS MY HEART IS WHEN PEOPLE THINK JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVEN’T BEEN THROUGH THE SAME THING, THEY CAN’T BE THERE FOR YOU. AND THEY USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO DO NOTHING!! HMMMMM…..THAT CONVENIENTLY TAKES THE LOAD OFF OF PEOPLE, DOESN’T IT? TO SAY, “OH, WELL, I HAVEN’T BEEN THERE, SO I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.”…….AND NOTHING GETS DONE FOR ANYONE. THANK GOD FOR HIS FAITHFULNESS, EVEN WHEN WE ARE SO UNFAITHFUL.

4. ANYWAY, I SAY ALL THAT TO SAY THIS: SOMEONE YOU KNOW NEEDS YOU. DON’T BE SELFISH. NO MATTER WHAT LIFE BRINGS, WE WERE MADE TO LIVE IN COMMUNITY. MY HEART BREAKS THAT SO MANY PEOPLE DON’T EXPERIENCE THAT BECAUSE OF THE SELFISHNESS OF GOD’S CHILDREN. I GUARANTEE YOU KNOW SOMEONE IN NEED. JUST THINK OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW (NOT TO MENTION THE ONES WE DON’T KNOW THAT NEED HELP)…..I’M SURE THEY NEED A FRIEND, SOME ADVICE, SOMEONE TO LISTEN, SOMEONE TO TALK TO THEM, SOMEONE TO HANG OUT WITH THEM, SOMEONE TO CALL THEM, SOMEONE TO LOVINGLY TELL THEM THEY’RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE, SOMEONE TO BAKE THEM SOME COOKIES, SOMEONE TO CRY WITH THEM, SOMEONE TO LAUGH WITH THEM, SOMEONE TO HELP THEM CLEAN THEIR HOUSE, SOMEONE TO ENCOURAGE THEM, SOMEONE TO HELP THEM PAY THEIR BILLS, SOMEONE TO FEED THEM, SOMEONE TO SHOW THEM THAT GOD LOVES THEM. IF ONLY WE, AS GOD’S CHILDREN, ACTUALLY PUT OTHERS FIRST IN EVERYTHING IN LIFE…….THE CHURCH WOULD BE SUCH A BRIGHT LIGHT THAT NOBODY WOULD BE ABLE TO LOOK AWAY.