HOME.

THOUGH I MAKE A HOUSE FEEL COMFORTABLE
THOUGH I FILL IT WITH OUR FAMILY’S LOVE
THOUGH I DO MY BEST TO MAKE IT FEEL WARM
I STILL DON’T BELONG HERE, MY HOME IS ABOVE.

THOUGH A HUG CAN FEEL SO SWEET
AND SO MUCH HAPPINESS COMES WITH A KISS…
I AM ALWAYS LONGING FOR THAT PLACE
THAT IS FILLED WITH ETERNAL BLISS.

YES, INDEED WE HEARD HIM SAY
“THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS AT HAND”…
BUT THE FINAL DAY HASN’T HAPPENED…
WHAT WE LOOK FORWARD TO IS SO GRAND.

EVERYTIME I THINK OF THE OTHER SIDE,
I WONDER HOW IT’S GOING TO BE…
HOW AMAZING TO HUG MY MOMMA AGAIN,
AND HEAR HER SAY HOW SHE’S MISSED ME!!

BUT FOR NOW, WE STILL HAVE TO WAIT A BIT.
WE STILL HAVE SOME TRIALS AHEAD.
SO ALTHOUGH I HOPE FOR HEAVEN ONE DAY,
I’LL BE CONTENT IN TODAY, INSTEAD.

AND WHILE I FEEL A LITTLE AT HOME SOMETIMES,
THAT LONGING STILL RINGS TRUE…
LORD JESUS HELP ME BE STEADFAST HERE
IN EVERYTHING I DO.


JESSICA NICOLE SCHAFER 09-11-08

SWEET FRIENDSHIPS.

SHE MAKES YOU LAUGH, SHE’S ALWAYS THERE
SHE LISTENS WHEN YOU CRY.
SHE’S ALWAYS THERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND,
AND NEVER CASTS A JUDGING EYE.

THE SWEET MEMORIES YOU HAVE TOGETHER
MAKE YOU GIGGLE WHEN YOU THINK OF THEM…
AND EVERYTIME THE BOTH OF YOU TALK
IT DRAWS YOU CLOSER TO HIM.

SHE’S THERE WHEN TRAGEDY HAPPENS
YOU KNOW ON HER YOU CAN DEPEND.
YOU KNOW THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT
FOR YOU AND THIS BELOVED FRIEND.

THOUGH LIFE WILL CONTINUE
TO CHANGE FOR BOTH OF YOU,
YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE BANK
THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!

SHE’LL LISTEN TO YOU COMPLAIN
AND RANT, AND RAVE, AND SCREAM!
AND SHE’LL NEVER JUDGE YOUR FEELINGS-
BUT SHE’LL PROBABLY OFFER SOME ICE CREAM!

THERE’S NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW
HAPPY THE TIMES ARE WHEN
YOU KNOW YOU CAN DEPEND ON
A WONDERFUL, CARING, FRIEND.

J.N.S. September 9, 2008

(P.S. THIS IS ALSO TRUE OF MY SWEET SISTER. JUST THOUGHT I'D REMIND YOU OF THAT, CARMELITA!!)

SOME STUFF.

1. I FINALLY GOT A CHANCE TO READ "THE SHACK". AMAZING. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A GOOD BOOK, I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT.

2. PUMPKIN CANDLE'S BURNIN' BRIGHT!!

3. MY LIL' BABY TURNS FOUR AT THE END OF THE MONTH. :( HOW ON EARTH CAN HE ALREADY BE THIS AGE?

4. I LOVE AUTUMN. I LOVE THE COOLNESS IN THE MORNINGS THAT REQUIRES A LIGHT JACKET...I LOVE THE COLORS...I LOVE THE CRISPNESS IN THE AIR...I LOVE BUSTIN' OUT THOSE COMFY, COZY, SWEATERS.

5. I HAVE AMAZING FRIENDS. THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THEY'RE MISSED EVERYDAY BY ME!! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE SO DANG MUCH!!

6. I'VE REALLY LIKED "HAVING A MARY HEART IN A MARTHA WORLD" SO FAR. AND I'M ABOUT TO READ "THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF APOLOGY". I LOVED "THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES", SO I'M HOPING THIS ONE IS JUST AS GOOD.

7. WHAT A NUMBER!! :)

8. I LIKE TO KISS ON MY HUSBAND. I CAN'T HELP IT! HE'S JUST TOO WONDERFUL. I'M SO GLAD GOD BLESSED ME WITH SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN TO BE IN LOVE WITH FOREVER, WHO THINKS THE WORLD OF ME.

9. SCHOOL'S BEEN FUN. DYLAN ALWAYS LOVES "DOING SCHOOL". THAT'S WHAT HE CALLS IT. HE'S READING SO WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WHEN WE WERE OUT OF TOWN TODAY, HE KEPT READING ALL THE SIGNS.......WHICH MAKES ME WEARY OF GOING OUT NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE JUNK THERE IS TO READ AROUND US!!! SHEESH.

10. WE BOUGHT "DON'T BREAK THE ICE" TONIGHT. BIG HIT. I LOVED THIS GAME WHEN I WAS A LIL' GIRL. I'M GLAD DYLAN LIKES IT.

11. COMING IN NETFLIX: "JON AND KATE PLUS 8" AND "THE OFFICE: SEASON 4". YAY!!!!!!! I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THESE SHOWS.

12. HAS ANYONE SEEN THE NEW MINI LAPTOP NOTEBOOKS? SOOOOOOO CUTE. ME LIKEY.

A LAMENT.

I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE “WHY’S?”
I DON’T KNOW ALL THE REASONS…
BUT I DO KNOW THAT YOU PROMISED YOU’D
NEVER LEAVE, NO MATTER THE SEASON.

THE SUFFERING THAT HAPPENS HERE
IS AT TIMES WAY TO MUCH TO SEE,
BUT YOU’VE SAID THAT IN ALL MOMENTS,
YOUR GRACE WILL BE SUFFICIENT FOR ME.

AT TIMES IT SEEMS SO HOPELESS, FOR BOTH
MYSELF AND THE ONES I LOVE…
IT SEEMS LIKE IT’S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE,
BUT I KEEP LOOKING ABOVE.

I’M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING, LORD,
SOMETHING GOOD TO HOLD ONTO…
AND SOMETIMES IT’S SO HARD
TO REALIZE THAT’S ALL THAT I CAN DO.

BUT THAT’S THE POINT OF OUR FAITH, RIGHT?
TO CLING TO YOU THROUGH DESPAIR…
TO LEAN ON YOU AND TRUST YOU,
THOUGH SOMETIMES IT FEELS THAT YOU’RE NOT THERE.

CHANGES WILL CONTINUE TO HAPPEN,
HAPPINESS WILL COME BUT TRIALS, TOO.
LORD HELP ME TO REMEMBER THAT
ALL I’LL EVER NEED IS YOU.

THOUGH OTHERS THINK IT’S INSANE
TO TRUST THIS GOD I CANNOT SEE…
I WHOLLY LEAN ON YOU, MY FATHER, MY MOTHER…
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU’LL ALWAYS LOVE ME.

STILL, SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO SCREAM OUT,
“I CAN’T TAKE ALL THIS ANYMORE!”…
IT SEEMS THAT SORROW ABOUNDS
BEHIND EVERY SINGLE DOOR.

I WONDER WHERE YOU ARE, GOD
THEN I REMEMBER WHY WE’RE HERE…
YOUR CHILDREN ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF
THE POOR, THE WIDOWS, THE ORPHANS…ALL IN DESPAIR.

PLEASE FORGIVE YOUR CHILDREN, LORD
FOR LETTING SELFISHNESS TAKE THE REIGNS.
FORGIVE US FOR SHUTTING THE DOOR
TO ALL THOSE AROUND US WHO ARE IN PAIN.

LORD, REMIND US ALL OF THOSE TWO COMMANDMENTS,
THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES WE NEED TO DO,
TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR AS OURSELVES
AND WITH EVERYTHING WE ARE, LOVE YOU.

J.N.S. 09-03-08

A NEW PAIR OF SHOES AND OTHER THINGS.

1.WE FINALLY GOT NEW SHOES OVER THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS, ALL THREE OF US. I MADE DARRYL FIND SOME, BECAUSE IT'S HARD FINDING SHOES FOR GIANTS AND I WANTED HIM TO HAVE NEW ONES SINCE HE WAS STARTING BACK TO SCHOOL. I DON'T KNOW, I JUST REMEMBER THE FEELING OF WEARING A NEW, CLEAN, COMFORTABLE PAIR OF SHOES AND THAT FEELING OF "NEW-NESS"....COULD BE JUST ME.....BUT IT'S NOT, RIGHT? SURELY I'M NOT ALONE IN THAT!!

2. DYLAN'S LIKING THE "SCHOOL" STUFF WE'RE DOING. I'M GLAD. I'M LIKING IT, TOO.

3. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE REBECCA'S BABY BOY SOON.

4. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY MISS MY FRIENDS. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YEAH, I MISS YOU!!!

5. FALL IS COMING.......AND WITH IT, PUMPKIN CREAMER.

6. I'VE BEEN GETTING MCDONALD'S ICED HAZELNUT COFFEE LATELY, AND DARRYL'S BEEN CALLING IT MY I.V. I HAVE TO ADMIT, HE'S KIND OF RIGHT. BUT I LOVE COFFEE, IT'S MY ONE PLEASURE IN LIFE!!!

7. I RECENTLY WON A COUPLE OF BOOKS I NEEDED FOR HOMESCHOOLING ON EBAY. EBAY IS EVIL, IT MAKES ME WANT TO BUY MORE. I CAN'T BID ON STUFF THAT MUCH.......IT'S TOO FUN.

8. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS NEW SCHOLASTIC TREASURY OF 100 STORIES ON DVD,. AND CURRENLTY DEBATING ON WHETHER GETTING IT OR NOT FOR DYLAN FOR HIS 4TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! YEAH, 4. 4 STINKIN' YEARS OLD. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WHY DOES TIME MOVE SO QUICKLY?!?!!?!?? HE'S GROUNDED FOR GROWING UP TOO FAST. HE JUST WON'T LISTEN TO ME AND STOP GROWING!!! (I'M NOT TOO WILD ABOUT THE "DVD" ASPECT, BUT I AM EXCITED THAT IF I WERE TO GET THIS, I CAN PUT ALL THOSE 100 STORIES ON MY IPOD....AND DYLAN ABSOLUTELY LOVES LISTENING TO AUDIOBOOKS.)

9. THE LADIES AT OUR CHURCH JUST FINISHED N.T. WRIGHT'S STUDY "A LIVING FAITH"....EXCELLENT. HIGHLY RECOMMEND ANYTHING THAT MAN'S EVER WRITTEN. HE'S A GENIOUS, MUCH LIKE MY HUSBAND.

10. I'M THINKING OF DOING "HAVING A MARY HEART IN A MARTHA WORLD" FOR THE NEXT STUDY.......ANYONE HAVE SUGGESTIONS ABOUT THAT BOOK? I HAVEN'T READ THROUGH IT YET. DID YOU LIKE IT, NOT LIKE IT? INPUT ON THAT WOULD BE LOVELY!!

11.THERE'S A BLUEGRASS BAND COMING TO OUR CHURCH TONIGHT.......I ABSOLUTELY LOVE LISTENING TO BLUEGRASS!!!!!!!

12. I BETTER GO DRINK SOME COFFEE, MY CUTE LIL' BEAN WILL BE UP SOON.

HOME.

WHILE EVERYTHING KEEPS SHIFTING
AND THE DREAMS YOU CLING TO SEEM TO FADE
QUESTIONS SEEM TO SURROUND YOU,
REMEMBER THE PROMISES I’VE MADE.

WHEN ALL YOU SEE IS DARKNESS
AND THE HOPE YOU KNOW SEEMS MEEK
REMEMBER HOW I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,
REMEMBER THE THINGS I SPEAK.

WHILE EVERYTHING SEEMS TO LOOK HOPELESS,
CLING TO ME, I’M ALWAYS HERE.
HAVE I NOT SAID THAT IN A BOTTLE
I HAVE PUT YOUR EVERY TEAR?

THIS ROLLER COASTER YOU’RE RIDING
IN LIFE WILL CONTINUE TO GO ON,
BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR HOPE IN ME,
THERE’S NOBODY BETTER TO LEAN ON.

THE LONELINESS WILL PASS SOON
I WILL WIPE ALL TEARS AWAY,
JUST CONTINUE TO BE STEADFAST
AND LOOKING TO THAT GLORIOUS DAY.

WHILE IT SEEMS THAT ALL YOU’LL DO
IN YOUR LIFE IS CONTINUE TO ROAM,
REMEMBER NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR HOME.

A WHISPER OF HOPE.

I HEAR YOU, MY CHILD, I AM LISTENING,
THOUGH YOU FEEL AS IF NOBODY’S THERE.
JUST TELL ME YOUR HEART, WHISPER YOUR THOUGHTS,
CRY OUT TO ME THROUGH YOUR DESPAIR.

THE PLACE WHERE I HAVE YOU NOW, I KNOW
IS NOT A PLACE OF JOY AND SUNSHINE.
BUT THROUGH ALL THE TEARS JUST REMEMBER
MY PRECIOUS CHILD, YOU ARE STILL MINE.

REACH OUT TO ME IN THE DARKNESS,
CRY TO ME WHEN FEAR FILLS YOUR HEART.
FOR NOBODY ELSE CAN UNDERSTAND QUITE LIKE ME,
TRUST ME, WE’LL NEVER BE APART.

I CAN’T GIVE TO YOU ALL THE REASONS
THAT I’VE PLACED YOU IN THE DESERT FOR NOW.
BUT I CAN REMIND YOU I LOVE YOU,
THOUGH YOU ARE QUESTIONING HOW.

PEOPLE WILL FAIL YOU, JUST AS YOU’VE SEEN.
BUT KEEP HOPE IN ME, I CAN CHANGE ANYONE’S HEART.
I’M STILL THE SAME GOD WHO PARTED THE SEA,
AND CREATED THIS WORLD AT THE START.

CLING TO ME NOW IN YOUR SORROW AND PAIN.
STAY CLOSE TO ME ALL THROUGH THE RAIN.
REMEMBER THROUGH ALL OF YOUR ANGUISH AND DOUBT,
YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE THE HOPE OF ME COMING AGAIN.

HOPE IS WHAT WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH
THIS SEASON OF LONELINESS AROUND YOU,
BUT CHILD, HAVE NO FEAR, I AM ALWAYS HERE,
AND THERE’S NOTHING I CANNOT DO.

THOUGH THIS MAY NOT BE THE LAST TIME
I PLACE YOU IN THE WILDERNESS.
THERE WILL STILL BE TIMES OF JOY TO COME,
FILLED WITH LAUGHTER AND HAPPINESS.

JESSICA SCHAFER 08-23-08

THERE IS A LEGEND ABOUT JESUS IN HEAVEN SHORTLY AFTER HIS TIME ON EARTH. THE ANGELS WERE TALKING WITH HIM, AND GABRIEL SAID, "MASTER, YOU SUFFERED TERRIBLY DOWN THERE. DO THE PEOPLE KNOW HOW YOU LOVED THEM AND WHAT YOU DID FOR THEM?" "NO," SAID JESUS, "NOT YET. A FEW PEOPLE IN PALESTINE KNOW." "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE," SAID GABRIEL, "TO LET EVERYONE KNOW?" JESUS SAID, "I HAVE ASKED PETER AND JAMES AND JOHN AND A FEW OTHERS TO MAKE IT THE BUSINESS OF THEIR LIVES TO TELL OTHERS ABOUT ME, AND THE OTHERS STILL OTHERS, AND YET OTHERS, UNTIL THE FARTHEST PERSON ON THE WIDEST CIRCLE KNOWS WHAT I HAVE DONE." GABRIEL LOOKED VERY DOUBTFUL. "YES," HE SAID, "BUT WHAT IF PETER AND JAMES AND JOHN GROW TIRED? WHAT IF THE PEOPLE WHO COME AFTER THEM FORGET? WHAT IF WAY DOWN IN THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY PEOPLE JUST DON'T TELL OTHERS ABOUT YOU? HAVEN'T YOU MADE ANY OTHER PLANS?" JESUS ANSWERED, "NO, I HAVEN'T MADE ANY OTHER PLANS. I AM COUNTING ON THEM."

*SOURCE UNKNOWN*

THE ARRANGER: A CONVERSATION BETWEEN DADDY AND DYLAN:

“DADDY, IS NOT EVERY DADDY A PASTOR?”..

“NO, DADDY’S WORK AT DIFFERENT PLACES. SOME WORK AT STORES, THEY ALL DO DIFFERENT THINGS.”

“OH.”

“DO YOU KNOW WHERE GRANDPA USED TO WORK?”

“NO, WHERE?”

“HE USED TO FLY BIG AIRPLANES!”

“WOW!”

“DO YOU KNOW WHERE MOMMY WORKS?”

“YEAH, MOMMY WORKS AT HOME. SHE ARRANGES THINGS!”



WELL, APPARENTLY I AM GOOD FOR SOMETHING.

MY HEART IS CLINGING TO THESE VERSES RIGHT NOW.

“WAIT FOR THE LORD, BE STRONG AND LET YOUR HEART TAKE COURAGE; YES, WAIT FOR THE LORD.”
*PSALM 27:14

“HEAR THE VOICE OF MY SUPPLICATIONS WHEN I CRY TO YOU FOR HELP, WHEN I LIFT UP MY HANDS TOWARD YOUR HOLY SANCTUARY.”
*PSALM 28:2

“THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.”
*PSALM 34:18

“WHEN I AM AFRAID, I WILL PUT MY TRUST IN YOU. IN GOD, WHOSE WORD I PRAISE, IN GOD I HAVE PUT MY TRUST; I SHALL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT CAN MERE MAN DO TO ME?”
*PSALM 56:3-4

“MY SOUL, WAIT IN SILENCE FOR GOD ONLY, FOR MY HOPE IS FROM HIM. HE ONLY IS MY ROCK AND MY SALVATION, MY STRONGHOLD; I SHALL NOT BE SHAKEN. ON GOD MY SALVATION AND MY GLORY REST; THE ROCK OF MY STRENGTH, MY REFUGE IS IN GOD. TRUST IN HIM AT ALL TIMES, O PEOPLE; POUR OUT YOUR HEART BEFORE HIM; GOD IS A REFUGE FOR US. SELAH.”
*PSALM 62:5-8

“BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO MOURN, FOR THEY SHALL BE COMFORTED.”
*MATTHEW 5:4

ONE THING IS FOR SURE ABOUT GRIEF: IT WILL KEEP COMING BACK IN MOMENTS THROUGHOUT LIFE. THERE WILL NEVER BE A TIME WHEN IT IS TOTALLY FORGOTTEN, OR A TIME WHEN ONE DOESN’T FEEL THE HURT ALL OVER AGAIN…NOT ALL THE TIME, BUT IT WILL COME AND GO. AND THE HARD THING IS, ONE NEVER KNOWS WHAT WILL “TRIGGER” THOSE FEELINGS, THOSE LONGINGS FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE AND MISS SO DEARLY. SOCIETY TELLS US, HECK, I’VE EVEN HAD FRIENDS TELL ME THAT I’M DOING IT WRONG….THAT IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON…..THAT HOW I’M FEELING IS UNHEALTHY. REALLY? HOW DOES ONE KNOW WHAT’S “HEALTHY” WHEN DEALING WITH GRIEF? ESPECIALLY WHEN SO MANY PEOPLE ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT, THAT THEY JUST DON’T DEAL WITH IT AT ALL…..IS THAT THE “HEALTHIER” WAY TO GO ABOUT IT?
I HAVE HAD SO MANY MOMENTS LATELY OF DEEP GRIEF, REALLY MISSING MY MOMMA. I THINK IT’S BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN FOLIAGE ON THE TREES….A SUBTLE REMINDER THAT FALL IS ARRIVING, AND AFTER THAT, WINTER. I DON’T LOOK FORWARD TO THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT HER.
GRIEF WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE CARRIED ALONE. IT HURTS. IT’S REAL. NOT FACING IT DOES NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY. I REMEMBER SEVERAL MONTHS AGO, I SAT DOWN AT THE COMPUTER, MY EYES FILLED WITH TEARS, AND I WROTE A LETTER. I WROTE A LONG LETTER TELLING THIS YOUNG LADY THAT IT WAS OKAY TO HURT. IT WAS OKAY TO MISS HER LOVED ONE. IT WAS OKAY TO CRY. I EXPLAINED THAT IT WASN’T WRONG OF HER TO FEEL GRIEF. I WANTED HER TO KNOW SHE WASN'T ALONE. EVEN THOUGH THOSE SHE LONGED TO BE THERE ALONGSIDE HER WEREN’T THERE, GOD WAS. I WROTE THAT LETTER TO MYSELF.
I WILL NEVER FORGET ALL THE RUBBISH I HAVE HEARD, AND I’M SURE I’LL CONTINUE TO HEAR, WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT OCCURRED OVER LAST WINTER. PEOPLE TEND TO SAY ANYTHING WHEN DEALING WITH GRIEF, AND OFTENTIMES, IT’S NOT AT ALL THE RIGHT THING TO SAY. ON THE OTHER HAND, I WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT HILARIE TOLD ME. IT WAS ALMOST AS SOON AS I ARRIVED IN EDMOND, AND SHE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND SAID WITH SUCH A SAD HEART, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY…”. AND THEN SHE HUGGED ME. THAT’S ALL I NEEDED. I DIDN’T NEED A REASON, A QUICK FIX, OR A BAND-AID ANSWER. BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE. I JUST NEEDED HER, TO BE THERE, TO LOVE ME, TO GRIEVE WITH ME. AND SHE WAS. AND THAT MOMENT WILL STICK WITH ME FOREVER.
I HAVE NEVER FELT AS CLOSE TO GOD AS I HAVE FELT SINCE DECEMBER. NOT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN READING MY BIBLE FAITHFULLY, OR “DOING” ALL THE THINGS WE’RE TOLD WE’RE SUPPOSED TO DO TO BE A “GOOD” CHRISTIAN (WHAT AN OXY-MORON). BUT WE ARE TOLD THAT THOSE WHO ARE MOURNING ARE BLESSED. I BELIEVE HIS WORDS. HE KNOWS MY HEART, HE KNOWS MY FEARS, HE KNOWS MY SORROWS, HE KNOWS MY GRIEF. AND HE IS HERE WITH ME.
HE IS MY HOPE. I CLING TO HIM.

“AND GOD IS WITH ME, HE WILL NEVER LEAVE…
AND GOD IS WITH ME, I WILL NEVER BE ALONE,
OUR GOD IS SO FAITHFUL.
I WILL NEVER BE ALONE,
YOUR LOVE IS SO FAITHFUL….”

“GOD IS WITH ME”
FROM: CHURCH OF THE HARVEST

DYLAN SAID TO ME YESTERDAY, “WE CAN’T SEE GOD…”…I QUICKLY RESPONDED……. ”YES, THAT’S RIGHT BABY, WE CAN’T. BUT WE KNOW HE’S THERE, RIGHT? BECAUSE WE CAN FEEL THAT HE’S HERE, CAN’T YOU FEEL HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU? WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE WORLD HE MADE US, IT REMINDS US THAT HE’S HERE.”. REALLY GOOD ANSWER, JES. THAT WAS A DEEP, THEOLOGICAL WAY TO ANSWER HIM. NOW HE’LL THINK MORE. HE IMMEDIATELY SOUNDED BACK WITH, “YEAH, BUT MOMMY, WE STILL CAN'T SEE HIM, WHY CAN’T WE SEE HIM?”. SHEEEEESH. “I DON’T KNOW, BABY. WE JUST CAN’T…ONE DAY WE WILL”. I’M WITH HIM. WHY CAN’T WE? I WANT TO. OR MAYBE WE DO, (AS MY HUSBAND PUTS IT) AND HE'S JUST NOT WHAT WE'RE EXPECTING. BUT HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT TO MY 3-YEAR-OLD? (P.S. HE READ THE WORD 'DEVELOP' ALL BY HIMSELF....I THINK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REDO OUR HOMESCHOOL CURRICULUM FOR THE YEAR...)

VBS WAS WONDERFUL!!! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND “THE PIRATES WHO DON’T DO ANYTHING: A VEGGIETALES VBS”. IT WAS AMAZING. I PRAYED THE FIRST NIGHT THAT WE’D HAVE SO MANY KIDS THAT OUR BUS WOULD HAVE TO MAKE TWO TRIPS, AND THE NEXT DAY, WE HAD TOO MANY KIDS! WE HAD THE BUS AND TWO EXTRA VEHICLES PICKING UP CHILDREN ALL WEEK. WE GAVE OUT THE NASB (COMPLETE ONE, I CAN’T STAND WHEN ONLY THE NEW TESTAMENTS ARE GIVEN OUT, IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY) AND WE EVEN RAN OUT OF BIBLES!! WE HAD TO DIG SOME OUT OF THE CHURCH LIBRARY TO GIVE AWAY. DARRYL LOVED BEING THE COMMODORE, AND WE EVEN HAD EYEPATCHES AND TATTOOES FOR THE KIDS. HAHA. IT WAS SO FUNNY. MONTHS OF PLANNING FINALLY WRAPPED UP BEAUTIFULLY. THANK GOD, WE COULD TELL HIS HAND WAS ALL OVER THIS, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WE CAN’T DO IT BY OURSELVES.

DOESN'T GET ANY MORE RANDOM THAN THIS LIST.

1. DYLAN AND I WENT TO A LITTLE ANTIQUE SHOP DOWN THE ROAD. HE WAS SO EXCITED BECAUSE WE GOT “STUART LITTLE” FOR DIRT CHEAP. IT’S A VHS. SEEING HOW MANY VCR’S THIS PLACE HAD TO SELL MADE ME FEEL OLD.
2. VBS NEXT WEEK, YEAH!!!! WE’RE DOING “THE PIRATES WHO DON’T DO ANYTHING” VBS. IT’S GOING TO BE FUN.
3. I LOOKED AT SO MANY PICTURES TODAY WHILE THE BEAN WAS NAPPING. HOW ON EARTH CAN LIFE MOVE SO QUICKLY? JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO, THIS LIL’ BUNDLE WAS BORN. NOW HE CAN THINK FOR HIMSELF.....WHICH I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT YET.
4. IT’S BITTERSWEET SEEING PICTURES OF MOMMA. I MEAN, SHE’S RIGHT THERE. SHE’S SMILING. SHE’S THERE, I CAN SEE HER. I CAN REMEMBER WHERE WE WERE, AND JUST FEEL THE PURE LOVE THAT WAS FELT WHILE WE TOOK EACH PICTURE. I MISS HER SO MUCH. THE PAST FEW WEEKS, THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCES TO DEAL WITH, AND I WOULD’VE GIVEN ANYTHING TO HAVE HER HERE TO HELP ME THROUGH IT.
5. I AM READY FOR FALL. ISN’T THAT SAD? JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO, IT WAS SO COLD AND NOW SUMMER’S HERE, AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL, AND THE SUN IS SHINING…..AND IT’S BLAZIN’ HOT!!! I’M MUCH MORE OF A SPRING AND FALL GAL.
6. I NEED TO LEARN TO PLAY MORE. I DON’T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE MOMMAS WHO ALWAYS SAYS, “I’M BUSY…….NOT RIGHT NOW……..MAYBE LATER…….”..ETC.
7. I LOVE COFFEE. I AM A STRONG ADVOCATE OF IT. YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME.
8. WE HARDLY WATCH TV. AND I LIKE IT THAT WAY. NOT BECAUSE I THINK IT'S EVIL, AND IT'S JUST "MORE RIGHTEOUS" NOT TO WATCH IT...NOTHING LIKE THAT. THE MAIN REASON FOR ME IS THAT I AM AN EXTREMIST. I COULD VERY EASILY WATCH THE TUBE ALL DAY LONG (IF WE HAD MORE THAN 4 STATIONS…WE HAVE BUNNY EARS). SO, IT STAYS OFF MOST OF THE TIME. AND, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO SIT AND WATCH…I CAN LIST ABOUT TEN THINGS I NEED TO GET DONE RIGHT NOW, EVEN AS I’M TYPING…….HMMM…….MAYBE I SHOULD STOP TYPING. BUT I WON’T. HAHA. WE DO WATCH OUR DVDS SOMETIMES, DYLAN'S SPECIAL "TREAT" RIGHT NOW IS "THE COSBY SHOW". HE LOVES IT. WHO DOESN'T LIKE BILL COSBY? (I JUST MAY GET TO SEE HIM LIVE IN OCTOBER............I CAN'T WAIT!!!)
9. SOMEONE FROM OUR CHURCH WAS VERY PERSISTANT UPON LENDING US THEIR WII. WE HAVE BEEN ENJOYING IT SOOOOOO MUCH. WILL WE BUY ONE? I DON’T KNOW. WE DON’T HAVE ANY WII MONEY. BUT, IT IS QUITE ENTERTAINING.
10. I LOVE READING TO DYLAN, HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SO INTERESTED IN BOOKS. HE IS HAVING QUITE A TIME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE’S BEEN REALIZING THAT NOT ONLY CAN HE READ, BUT HE CAN ACTUALLY READ A SENTENCE, WHICH MEANS HE CAN READ A STORY TO HIMSELF!!! I CAN SEE HIM THINKING HOW AMAZING IT IS THAT HE CAN ACTUALLY READ ONE OF HIS FAVORITE STORIES!! I LOVE MOMENTS LIKE THAT.
11. ANOTHER USED CURRICULUM FAIR COMING UP, SO THAT’LL BE COOL!! LAST TIME I SCORED A TWENTY-BOOK SET OF CHILDCRAFT BOOKS!!! FIVE SMACKAROOS. THAT’S WHY I LOVE USED FAIRS. DYLAN HAS LOVED THOSE BOOKS SO MUCH, SO IT WAS FIVE BUCKS WELL SPENT.
12. IF YOU’RE STILL READING THIS, EITHER YOU’RE BORED, OR YOU’RE ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN MY LIL’ LIFE!!
13. OFF TO DO SOMETHING FUN NOW, THE BOY’S UP. I’LL LEAVE YOU WITH A CUTE LIL’ PIC OF HIM WITH HIS NANA AND PAWPAW. (HE'S READY FOR A NAP IN THIS PICTURE...HENCE THE SLEEPY EYES) IT’S HARD TO PUT WORDS TO WHAT A UNIQUE RELATIONSHIP HE AND HIS NANA SHARED. SHE JUST ALWAYS MADE HIM LIGHT UP…….AND THE SAME WITH HIM. HE ASKS ABOUT HER EVERYDAY. I LOVE THE FACT THAT HE’LL REMEMBER HER.

THE FOLLOWING ARE ISSUES I’VE BEEN DEALING WITH IN MY LIFE.

*ENABLEMENT: I WAS THINKING ABOUT ENABLING A FEW WEEKS AGO. AND THIS THOUGHT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS: WHEN WE ENABLE OTHERS TO CARRY ON IN ANY FORM OF SIN, WE ARE PARTICIPATING IN THAT SIN!!! THAT IS SUCH A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW, ISN’T IT? I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THE TIMES IN MY PAST THAT I HAVE ENABLED PEOPLE, AND ALL THE TIMES THAT OTHERS HAVE ENABLED ME. WHAT A HARSH REALITY, THIS WAS SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO ADMIT TO MYSELF, BUT I CAN’T DENY IT NOW.

*RELAXING: I HAVE BEEN LEARNING TO RELAX, WELL A LITTLE ANYWAY. IF YOU KNOW ME, THEN YOU KNOW I’M JUST A VERY ANXIOUS, BUSY, UPTIGHT PERSON MOST OF THE TIME. I HAVE BEEN LEARNING TO GET OVER MYSELF LATELY AND TO RELAX. GOD MADE A SABBATH. WE’RE COMMANDED TO OBSERVE IT. YET AGAIN, ANOTHER THING I DIDN’T LIKE ADMITTING TO MYSELF.

*REPENTANCE: I HAVE BEEN LEARNING IN MY LIFE THAT AS MANY TIMES AS I SAY, “GOD, I’M SORRY FOR (FILL-IN-THE-BLANK)”…..IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING UNLESS THE SIN I’M DOING CEASES. REPENTANCE IS NOT JUST SAYING I’M SORRY TO GOD. REPENTANCE IS TWO-FOLD;
1. ACKNOWLEDGING MY WRONGDOING BEFORE GOD, WITH A REPENTANT HEART, AND CONFESSING IT TO HIM.
2. TURNING AWAY FROM MY SIN.
SO OFTEN IN MY LIFE, IT’S BEEN EASY TO JUST DO THE APOLOGIZING THING. I’VE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS A LOT WITH MY SON. HE THINKS AS LONG AS HE ALWAYS SAYS I’M SORRY (MIND YOU, HE’S THREE YEARS OLD, SO HE’S STILL VERY LITTLE) THAT HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. BECAUSE MOMMY ALWAYS FORGIVES AND LOVES HIM. SO MANY TIMES LATELY WE’VE HAD TO SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT THIS. THESE WERE SOME OF MY WORDS TO HIM THE OTHER DAY: “DYLAN, YOU CAN’T JUST DO THE WRONG THING, SAY YOU’RE SORRY, AND EXPECT EVERYTHING TO ALWAYS BE OKAY. YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THE THINGS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION, EVERYTIME, TO DO THE RIGHT THING. AND HERE’S THE DEAL, YOU CAN DO THAT! YOU ARE A BIG BOY, A SMART BOY, A GOOD BOY, AND YOU CAN CHOOSE TO DO THE RIGHT THING!” IT WAS LIKE LOOKING IN A MIRROR AND HEARING THESE WORDS ECHO TO THE CORE OF MYSELF!! HOW TRUE. I NEED TO TAKE A DOSE OF MY OWN MEDICINE. GOD GAVE US THE ABILITY TO THINK AND REASON. EVERYTIME I SIN IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOME OTHER THING OR PERSON IN MY LIFE, IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF MY PAST, IT IS NOT BECAUSE LIFE’S JUST TOO HARD…….EVERYTIME I SIN, IT IS BECAUSE I MAKE THE DECISION TO DO SO. IT’S QUITE SIMPLE. AND SUCH A HARD THING TO ADMIT TO MYSELF. IT’D BE SO EASY FOR ME TO GO ON SAYING, “BUT GOD, IT’S SO HARD, BECAUSE OF THIS, BECAUSE OF THAT, ETC”…….BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHEN I KNOW BETTER. I’M 27 YEARS OLD. I THINK I KNOW BETTER NOW.
LORD JESUS, FORGIVE ME FOR KNOWINGLY SINNING AGAINST YOU, AND FOR THE HORRIBLE THOUGHTS OF THINKING I CAN TAKE YOUR GRACE AND MERCY FOR GRANTED, OR ANY OTHER PERSON’S GRACE AND FORGIVENESS FOR GRANTED. FORGIVE ME FOR PUTTING MY WANTS BEFORE YOUR TRUTHS. AMEN.

“IN THE SAME WAY THE SPIRIT ALSO HELPS OUR WEAKNESS; FOR WE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PRAY AS WE SHOULD, BUT THE SPIRIT HIMSELF INTERCEDES FOR US WITH GROANINGS TOO DEEP FOR WORDS;…”
*ROMANS 8:26

SOMETIMES IN LIFE, WE CAN JUST GET BURNT OUT. THAT IS WHERE I WAS YESTERDAY. JUST FLAT SPENT. TIRED. EXHAUSTED. WEARY IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE. PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY DRAINED. MY SWEET SISTER HAD TO LOVINGLY REMIND ME OF HIS YOKE.

“COME TO ME, ALL WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY-LADEN, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU AND LEARN FROM ME, FOR I AM GENTLE AND HUMBLE IN HEART, AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. FOR MY YOKE IS EASY AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT.”
*MATTHEW 11:28-30

LORD FORGIVE ME FOR PLACING MY OWN YOKE UPON MYSELF, AND THE YOKE OF OTHERS. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CARRY THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU PUT ME HERE FOR. YOU DON'T NEED ME TO BE A HERO. I AM THE ONE IN NEED OF YOU, EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY. I AM NOTHING WITHOUT YOU.

WITH SO MUCH HURTING AROUND US, WHETHER IT’S YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW, I CAN’T HELP BUT THINK OF THIS SONG BY CHARLIE HALL, “DRAW CLOSE”:

“LORD LET ME FEEL IT, THE WAY THAT YOU WOULD FEEL,
BROKEN FOR THE PAIN THAT PEOPLE BEAR.
LORD LET ME TASTE IT, THE TEARS FROM BROKEN REEDS
TEACH ME TO PRAY WITH WEEPING FOR THOSE WITH NEEDS…

DRAW CLOSE TO THE LONELY ONES, TO THE HURTING ONES,
TO THE ANGRY ONES….JESUS BRING PEACE…
DRAW CLOSE TO THE TORN APART, TO THE BROKEN HEART,
TO THE ONE WHO’S FAR….JESUS BRING PEACE…
AND DRAW CLOSE.”

“REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE, AND WEEP WITH THOSE WHO WEEP.”
*ROMANS 12:15*

“BLESSED BE THE GOD AND FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THE FATHER OF MERCIES AND GOD OF ALL COMFORT, WHO COMFORTS US IN ALL OUR AFFLICTION SO THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO COMFORT THOSE WHO ARE IN ANY AFFLICTION WITH THE COMFORT WITH WHICH WE OURSELVES ARE COMFORTED BY GOD. FOR JUST AS THE SUFFERINGS OF CHRIST ARE OURS IN ABUNDANCE, SO ALSO OUR COMFORT IS ABUNDANT THROUGH CHRIST.”
*II CORINTHIANS 1:3-5*