YOU KEEP TELLING ME NOT TO WORRY
I KEEP TRYING MY BEST TO TRUST,
NOT LETTING MY HEART BE TAKEN OVER
BY WANTING MATERIAL THINGS OUT OF LUST.

YOU KEEP SAYING YOU’LL DELIVER
THE NEEDY WHEN THEY CRY…
YET I’VE BEEN HERE WAITING…
AND EVERDAY WONDERING “WHY?”.

I KNOW YOU ALWAYS KEEP YOUR WORD
I KNOW YOU WILL ANSWER ME
AND I ALSO KNOW ALL I CAN DO
IS SIT AND WAIT PATIENTLY.

I’VE PUT MY TRUST IN THINGS BEFORE,
IN OTHER PEOPLE, MYSELF, AND MY PLANS…
BUT THE LESSON I KEEP LEARNING
IS JUST TO LET YOU HOLD MY HAND.

“BUT LORD, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND-“
AT TIMES I’VE CRIED OUT TO YOU…
AS IF YOU DIDN’T, YOURSELF, CREATE ME-
AND MAKE ALL THINGS AND PEOPLE NEW!

“I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE-
I GIVE UP!” I’VE CRIED BEFORE.
BUT I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT’S NOT
THE WAY I CAN BE ANYMORE.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT I DON’T KNOW!
AND IT’S OKAY TO BE HERE NOW.
IT’S OKAY TO TRUST YOU HAPPILY,
AND NOT KNOW THE “WHY’S AND HOW’S”.

IT'S EVEN OKAY TO HOPE THOUGH SO MUCH
DESPAIR IS STILL LINGERING AROUND...
SOMETIMES YOU DO YOUR BEST WORK
WHEN MY HEART IS SO CLOSE TO THE GROUND.

EVEN THOUGH OTHERS MAY FAIL ME,
AND IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE, TOO...
I'LL REMEMBER YOU SAID THAT ONE DAY
YOU WILL MAKE ALL THINGS NEW.

THOUGH THINGS AROUND MAY BE HOPELESS,
AND LONELINESS AND DEATH ABOUND HERE...
I'LL REMEMBER YOU SAID YOU COMFORT THOSE
WHO ARE MOURNING, AND I WILL NOT FEAR.

EVEN WHEN THE FUTURE SEEMS HOPELESS,
IT’S A GOOD THING TO TRUST IN YOU-
IT’S GOOD TO KNOW, LORD JESUS,
THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO.

SO I STAY HERE-IN THE WAITING PLACE.
I MAY BE HERE FOR YEARS OR DAYS.
BUT I WILL DO MY BEST TO FOLLOW YOU, JESUS
AND LET YOU TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

JESSICA SCHAFER-JULY 4, 2007
*with added lines April 14, 2009*

“HOW LONG, O LORD? WILL YOU FORGET ME FOREVER? HOW LONG WILL YOU HIDE YOUR FACE FROM ME? HOW LONG SHALL I TAKE COUNSEL IN MY SOUL, HAVING SORROW IN MY HEART ALL THE DAY? HOW LONG WILL MY ENEMY BE EXALTED OVER ME? ……. BUT I HAVE TRUSTED IN YOUR LOVINGKINDESS; MY HEART SHALL REJOICE IN YOUR SALVATION. I WILL SING TO THE LORD, BECAUSE HE HAS DEALT BOUNTIFULLY WITH ME.” *THE PSALMS*

EASTER PEOPLE, SING OUT LOUD.
EASTER PEOPLE, HOPE IN ME.
EASTER PEOPLE, DON’T FORGET
ALL THINGS WILL BE NEW IN ME.

EASTER PEOPLE,YOU CAN LOOK AROUND
AND SEE THE SUFFERING, PAIN, AND TEARS…
DON’T JUST FOLLOW ME, I’VE CALLED YOU
TO JOIN IN MY WORK THROUGHOUT YOUR YEARS.

IT’S IN ME THAT YOU WILL FIND LIFE
YOU’LL FIND HOPE IN MY COMFORTING VOICE,
REMEMBER THAT EVERYDAY I GIVE YOU,
EVERY MOMENT YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

WILL YOU LOVE THE LOWLY?
WILL YOU TAKE CARE OF THE POOR?
WON’T YOU COMFORT THOSE WHO HURT,
WON’T YOU BE AN OPEN DOOR?

WILL YOU LOVE OTHERS THE WAY I LOVE YOU?
SO MUCH THAT IT CHANGES YOUR INNER CORE?
DON’T LOVE THROUGH ENABLING OR SELF GRATIFICATION,
YOU CAN’T DO THAT ANYMORE.

I LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO CHANGE YOU,
YOU CAN’T KNOW ME AND STAY THE SAME.
STOP SAYING AND START DOING,
AND DO IT ALL THROUGH MY NAME.

YOU SEE IT’S MUCH BIGGER THAN YOU THOUGHT,
I CALLED YOU OUT TO DO MY WORK….
SITTING IDLY BY IS NO GOOD…
DON’T JUST SIT THERE AND SHIRK.

I LOVED YOU WITH MY WORDS, INDEED,
BUT I LOVED YOU WITH MY ACTIONS, TOO…
DON’T FORGET THAT YOUR WORK ISN’T DONE,
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

SO EASTER PEOPLE, REMEMBER
THE REASON YOU’RE STILL THERE…
TO CARRY A CROSS TOGETHER AND SHARE
THE HOPE I GIVE TO PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.

J.N.S. April 7, 2009

Kid Questions.....(from my Facebook page)

1. What is something Momma always says to you? Ummm..I love you!

2. What makes Momma happy? When I kiss and hug you before you leave sometimes…(Although I never go anywhere!!)

3. What makes Momma sad? When I don’t eat what you give me.

4. How does your Momma make you laugh? You do jokes.

5. What was your Momma like as a child? Ummm…You liked “Don’t break the Ice”

6. How old is your Momma? I don’t know…49?

7. How tall is your Momma? Nine pounds.

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? You like to watch Scrubs

9. What does Momma do when you’re not around? You just have fun.

10. If your Momma becomes famous, what will it be for? When God gives you to me.

11. What is Momma really good at? Ummm…Playing games with me.

12. What is Momma not very good at? You’re not very good at Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

13. What does Momma do for her job? Umm…to take care of me!

14. What is Momma’s favorite food? Weight Watchers. (haha, can’t tell by looking at me!)

15. What makes you proud of your Momma? Eating all your food!

16. If your Momma was a cartoon character, who would she be? Batman

17. What do you and your Momma do together? We have fun together!!

18. How are you and Your Momma the same? We’re not the same.

19. How are you different? Our voices are different.

20. How do you know Momma loves you? Umm…because God gave me to you!

21. Where is your Momma’s favorite place to go? You like to go to Springfield.

LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD'S NUGGETS OF WISDOM......

"GUARD-STEMMER"-THAT'S ANY LONG, GOOD STICK HE CAN FIND OUTSIDE.

"GUARD-STEMMING"-THAT'S WHAT HE DOES TO THE GROUND.....STILL NOT SURE WHAT IT IS. MAYBE HIS WAY OF GARDENING.

"SMACKIN' IT UP"-OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW ALREADY? SURELY YOU'VE HEARD OF THIS. HE TAKES HIS "GUARD-STEMMER" AND DRAGS IT ALONG THE GRASS, THUS THE TERM "SMACKIN' IT UP".

"MOLE-HOLE DIGGIN'"-SELF EXPLANATORY.

"FORKIN' IT UP"-USING A FORK TO THROW SOMETHING, ANYTHING UP INTO THE AIR.

I'M SURE YOU'RE ENLIGHTENED NOW.

THE LONELINESS WILL NOT LAST MY CHILD,
THE TEARS WILL SOON CEASE.
JUST COME TO ME AND BE YOURSELF,
AND YOU’LL FIND SWEET RELIEF.

A TRUER FRIEND YOU’LL FIND NOWHERE ELSE,
NO OTHER CAN LOVE YOU LIKE I CAN.
JUST COME TO ME, BE HONEST, BE TRUE,
AND LET ME TAKE YOU BY THE HAND.

IN YOUR DARKEST MOMENTS,
I’VE NOT LEFT YOU, I’VE BEEN THERE.
I’VE SAID I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU, LOVE,
I’LL BE WITH YOU EVERYWHERE.

I KNOW THE DARKNESS SOMETIMES LASTS
SO LONG, LIKE IT WILL NEVER END…
BUT TRUST ME, KEEP ON WAITING FOR ME,
I’M THERE JUST AROUND THE BEND.

SOME HAVE BEEN GIVEN SWEET LIVES,
SOME HAVE BEEN HANDED MANY SORROWS…
BUT I NEVER PROMISED HAPPINESS, ONLY HOPE,
THAT’S WHAT WILL GET YOU THROUGH EACH TOMORROW.

SO THROUGH THE HOPELESSNESS, KEEP HOPING,
THROUGH THE LONELINESS, STAND STRONG…
KEEP TRUSTING IN ME WHEN IT SEEMS TO YOU
THAT I’M DOING IT ALL WRONG.

KEEP YOUR EYES FIXED ON ME, CHILD-
NO OTHER WILL BE ABLE TO OUTLAST.
JUST TRUST ME, I HAVE YOUR FUTURE,
YOUR PRESENT, AND I ALSO HOLD YOUR PAST.

IF YOU’RE ANGRY WITH ME, I CAN HANDLE IT.
IF YOU’RE SAD, COME TELL ME WHY.
BECAUSE NOT ONLY FOR THE WORLD, BUT FOR YOU, TOO,
DID I RISE AFTER GIVING MYSELF TO BE CRUCIFIED.

DON’T LOOK TO THE LEFT, NOR THE RIGHT,
STAND FIRM IN MY WORD, AND ME…
KEEP DOING, LOVING, FORGIVING, TRUSTING,
FOR IN ME, YOU’LL ALWAYS BE FREE.

J.N.S. March 29, 2009

I WROTE LAST WEEK’S POST BEFORE READING THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER OF THE BOOK I’LL BE QUOTING. I, WHICH I’M SURE YOU HAVE, HAVE SEEN SO MUCH TRAGEDY IN LIFE. SOME OF WHICH PEOPLE HAVE BROUGHT ON THEMSELVES, AND SOME THAT HAVE JUST HAPPENED, REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE HAVE DONE. IT’S A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW. THE ONE THING WE CAN’T DO, AS I WROTE IN THE PREVIOUS POST, IS TURN OUR HEADS AND IGNORE REALITY. THOUGH IT’S EASIER, WE KNOW IN OUR HEART OF HEARTS THAT CHRIST DID NOT CALL US TO A LIFE OF “EASY”. AT OUR LADIES’ BIBLE STUDY, WE’VE BEEN READING THROUGH N.T. WRIGHT’S BOOK “FOLLOWING JESUS; BIBLICAL REFLECTIONS ON DISCIPLESHIP”. IT’S AN AMAZING READ. IT POINTS YOU TO BOOKS OF THE BIBLE SUCH AS COLOSSIANS, REVELATION, JOHN, AND SEVERAL OTHERS.

I ALMOST CRIED WHEN I READ THE FOLLOWING PARTS OF THIS BOOK. THEY ARE TAKEN FROM CHAPTER SIX TITLED “A WORLD REBORN; REVELATION”. WHAT HE WRITES ABOUT IS WHAT I’VE BEEN SEEING IN THE CHURCH OVER THE PAST FIFTEEN MONTHS. IT IS PERSONAL. I HAVE SEEN IT, LIVED MUCH OF IT, AND SEEN WHAT HE TALKS ABOUT SO MUCH IN THE CHURCH, AS A WHOLE.

“Easter is all about the wiping away of tears. In our fear of terror and joy, we have forgotten the purpose of tears. We have become embarrassed by them—and with good reason, since they are a God-given reminder of the truth which our culture, as much as any communist propaganda, has done its best to make us forget: that we are neither naked apes nor trainee angels, but humans, made in the image of God. Which God? The God who stood and wept at the tomb of his friend; the God who fell down and sobbed in the garden of Gethsemane. We have deemed tears to be childish, whereas in fact they are childlike; and Jesus told us to be childlike. We have allowed our proper dislike of emotionalism to deceive us into trying to ignore our emotions. But if Good Friday and Easter don’t stir our emotions, then the tyrant has indeed enslaved us. We have become like a garden paved over with stone slabs. Many people live like that; God help us, many of us even choose to, rather than face the terror and the joy of our own hearts, let alone of Calvary and Easter.” (page 58, Wright)

AND THAT LAST PART, “MANY US US EVEN CHOOSE TO…”, THAT IS WHAT I’VE SEEN RUN RAMPANT THROUGHOUT THE BODY OF CHRIST. YOU SEE, NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY TO TURN IT OFF, IT’S STILL THERE. THE WIDOW. THE ORPHAN. THE FRIENDLESS. THE LONELY. THE HUNGRY. AND EVEN THOSE WHO STAY IN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, BECAUSE THEY’VE DECEIVED THEMSELVES INTO THINKING THEY HAVE NOBODY TO TURN TO. THE THING IS, AS BELIEVERS, WE CAN’T TURN A DEAF EAR TO REALITY. WITHOUT GETHSEMANE, THERE IS NO CALVARY….AND WITHOUT CALVARY, THERE IS NO GETHSEMANE. THERE IS ANOTHER SIDE OF GOD, THE TERRIBLE, AWESOME SIDE OF HIM THAT SO MANY OF US HAVE CHOSEN TO IGNORE. WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DIED WHEN THEY SAW THE LORD? BECAUSE HE WAS A SWEET LIL’ MAN WHO SHOWED NO POWER? BECAUSE HE WAS ONLY MEEK AND HUMBLE, WITHOUT AN AMAZING, FEARFUL SIDE? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

“But with Easter we have hope; because hope depends on love; and love has become human and has died, and is now alive for evermore, and holds the keys of Death and Hades. It is because of him that we know—we don’t just hope, we know—that God will wipe away all tears from all eyes. And in that knowledge we find ourselves to be Sunday people, called to live in a world of Fridays. In that knowledge we know ourselves to be Easter people, called to minister to a world full of Calvarys. In that knowledge we find that the hand that dries our tears passes the cloth onto us, and bids us follow him, to go to dry one another’s tears. The lamb calls us to follow him wherever he goes; into the dark places of the world, the dark places of our own hearts, the places where tears blot out the sunlight, the places where tyrants pave the grass with concrete; and he bids us shine his morning light into the darkness, and share his ministry of wiping away the tears.” (pages 61-62, Wright)

READER, THIS IS WHAT OUR FAITH IS. CHRIST CALLS US TO JOIN HIM, NO MATTER WHETHER WE “FEEL” LIKE OPENING OUR EYES TO HIS TRUTHS, OR NOT. A WISE PROFESSOR OF MINE ONCE SAID, “DO WE REALLY MEAN IT WHEN WE SING, ‘OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART, LORD, OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART.’”…….WHAT IF HE DOES? WHAT IF HE OPENS OUR EYES TO OUR OWN REALITIES, TO THAT OF OUR NEIGHBOR’S, OUR TOWN’S, OUR COUNTRY’S, OUR WORLD’S….? WE HAVE A CHOICE. JOIN HIM, OR IGNORE HIM. AS MY SWEET HUSBAND PREACHED SEVERAL DAYS AGO, “FAITH IS NOTHING WITHOUT FAITHFULNESS, AND FAITHFULNESS IS NOTHING WITHOUT FAITH.” THERE IS A HUGE CANYON BETWEEN “KNOWING” AND “DOING”. I HOPE THAT AS THE BODY OF CHRIST, WE CAN TRULY BE EASTER PEOPLE MINISTERING TO A WORLD OF CALVARYS. LIVE LIKE YOU BELIEVE IT; EASTER IS COMING!!! IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE, EASTER IS ALWAYS COMING. LET US JOIN CHRIST IN WHAT HE HAS CALLED US TO DO.....NO MORE EXCUSES.

"I DON'T KNOW THE SUFFERING OF PEOPLE OUTSIDE MY FRONT DOOR,
I JOIN THE OPPRESSORS OF THOSE I CHOOSE TO IGNORE-
I'M TRADING COMFORT FOR HUMAN LIFE,
AND THAT'S NOT JUST MURDER, IT'S SUICIDE..
AND THIS, TOO SHALL BE MADE RIGHT..."

*DEREK WEBB'S "THIS TOO SHALL BE MADE RIGHT"*


IT'S SCARY TO ME HOW EASY IT IS FOR CHILDREN OF GOD (MYSELF INCLUDED) TO TURN AWAY FROM THE HURT, THE NEED, THE SUFFERING, THE PAIN, THE LONELINESS.......TO UTTERLY SHUT OUR EYES TO WHAT WE KNOW IS HAPPENING OUTSIDE OUR FRONT DOOR.

THERE IS A FAMILY MOURNING THE LOSS OF THEIR LOVED ONE. THERE IS A FAMILY NOT ABLE TO GET GAS MONEY TO TRAVEL TO COLLEGE TO TRY TO BETTER THEMSELVES....SO THEY STAY POOR, NOBODY TO HELP THEM. THERE ARE WOMEN WHO ARE STILL WONDERING IF THEY'LL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEIR HUSBANDS, WHOM CONTINUE TO BE UNFAITHFUL TO THEM. THERE IS A LONELY WIDOW. THERE IS A GIRL WHO IS WONDERING WHERE ALL HER FRIENDS ARE. THERE IS A MAN DEALING WITH A DEBILITATING SICKNESS, AS HIS WIFE AND SON SIT BY AND WISH GOD WOULD HEAL HIM. THERE IS A GIRL WHO WONDERS IF HER HUSBAND WILL EVER TRULY LOVE HER AS HE'S SUPPOSED TO, BECAUSE SHE DREAMS OF HAVING HIS CHILDREN. THERE IS A MAN WHO KNOWS HIS WIFE IS AN ADULTERESS, BUT STAYS ANYWAY, "FOR THE KIDS". THERE ARE THOSE NOT ONLY OUTSIDE OUR COUNTRY, BUT HERE, IN THIS "GREAT COUNTRY OF AMERICA" WHO HAVE NO SHELTER, NO FOOD, NO HOPE FOR THEIR CHILDREN WHO HAD NO CHOICE AS TO WHAT LIFE THEY WERE BORN INTO.

AND SO WE SIT HERE. WE CONTINUE TO CLOSE OUR EYES, BECAUSE IT'S EASIER. WE CONTINUE TO MAKE EXCUSES AS TO WHY WE DO NOTHING. WE JUSTIFY OUR OWN SIN, BUT HAVE A DARN GOOD WAY OF MAKING IT SOUND LIKE IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM AND NOT OUR OWN. READER, UNDERSTAND, WHEN OUR EYES ARE OPENED TO WHAT IS TRULY HAPPENING AROUND US, IT BEGINS TO BE PARTLY OUR RESPONSIBILITY. NO, WE PROBABLY CAN'T FIX EVERYTHING. NO, IT'S NOT OUR JOB TO. BUT WE CAN DO SOMETHING. NOT ONLY THAT, WE SHOULD. WE CAN DEFINITELY PRAY. MAYBE JUST CALLING THAT PERSON AND GIVING THEM AN EAR FOR A WHILE. MAYBE GIVING GAS MONEY TO THAT WIDOW WHO HAS NOBODY ELSE TO HELP HER. THERE IS PLENTY WE CAN DO, IF ONLY WE CAN GET PAST OURSELVES AND OUR SILLY LITTLE EXCUSES AS TO WHY WE HAVE BEEN DOING NOTHING.

*BY THE WAY, EVERY PERSON MENTIONED ABOVE IS SOMEONE I KNOW, PERSONALLY. SURELY IF I KNOW OF THIS MANY HURTING PEOPLE, YOU KNOW AT LEAST ONE THAT YOU CAN LEND HELP TO. *

"AND HE SAID TO HIM, 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' THIS IS THE GREAT AND FOREMOST COMMANDMENT. THE SECOND IS LIKE IT, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'" *MATTHEW 22:37-38*

"DO NOT WITHHOLD GOOD FROM THOSE TO WHOM IT IS DUE, WHEN IT IS IN YOUR POWER TO DO IT. DO NOT SAY TO YOUR NEIGHBOR, 'GO AND COME BACK, AND TOMORROW I WILL GIVE IT,' WHEN YOU HAVE IT WITH YOU." *PROVERBS 3:27-28*

WHO IS YOUR NEIGHBOR? AND NOT JUST THE ONES WHO LIVE NEXT DOOR. AND NOT JUST THE ONES YOU LOVE. YOUR ENEMIES ARE ALSO YOUR NEIGHBOR.

"FOR HE WILL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE CONCERNING YOU, TO GUARD YOU IN ALL YOUR WAYS." -PSALM 91:11-



HE WROTE A NOTE JUST FOR YOU TODAY,
YOUR GRANDSON WHO IS JUST FOUR.
HE DOESN’T QUITE UNDERSTAND THAT
HE’LL NEVER GET TO SEE YOU ANYMORE.

SOME DAYS ARE HARDER THAN OTHERS,
TODAY IS ONE THAT’S BEEN BLUE.
ACTUALLY, IT’S BEEN A GOOD YEAR,
MOMMA, I CAN’T STAND LIFE WITHOUT YOU.

THERE’S SO MUCH GOOD HERE, I KNOW.
BUT IT WAS BETTER WHEN YOU WERE HERE.
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE HERE WRITING
THESE WORDS, THAT YOU’D NO LONGER BE NEAR.

BUT I GUESS YOU’RE NEARER THAN I KNOW,
IN WAYS I SIMPLY CAN’T UNDERSTAND NOW.
I KNOW LIFE WILL KEEP MOVING ALONG,
BUT SOME DAYS I HAVE TO WONDER HOW.

I MISS THAT I CAN’T CALL YOU EVERYTIME
AND SHARE WITH YOU ALL THAT’S HAPPY,
I MISS THAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU CALM ME
WHEN LIFE BRINGS MORE TRAGEDY.

I MISS BEING ABLE TO HEAR YOU LAUGH
WHEN YOUR GRANDSON DOES THE CUTEST THINGS…
IT’S MOMENTS LIKE THIS WHEN I HAVE TO TRUST
THAT I’M BEING SHELTERED BY ANGEL’S WINGS.

AT TIMES IT SEEMS SO LONELY,
LIKE NOBODY’S THERE TO LISTEN TO ME.
I HAVE TO KEEP ON GOING, TRUSTING,
AND REMEMBER HE HAS NOT LEFT ME.

I WONDER HOW I’LL GET THROUGH ALL
THE MILESTONES IN THE YEARS AHEAD,
YOU’RE STILL ALWAYS THE ONE I WANT TO CALL,
BUT I’LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR ANOTHER INSTEAD.

IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T HAVE ANYONE ELSE,
GOT A GREAT HUSBAND, CHILD, FATHER AND SIS.
BUT LATELY YOU’RE ALL I’VE WANTED TO
SEE, GOD HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.

GOD HELP ME ON DAYS WHEN I’M LONELY.
GOD HELP ME WHEN ANGER COMES BACK.
GOD HELP ME WHEN I ASK THE SAME QUESTIONS AGAIN,
GOD PLEASE COME AND PICK UP THE SLACK.

GOD COMFORT ME, BECAUSE I CAN’T DO IT.
SOMETIMES WEEPING IS ALL I CAN DO.
GOD TELL MY MOMMA I MISS HER SO MUCH,
AND THAT I SAID, “I LOVE YOU.”

GOD HELP OTHERS WHO FEEL THIS PAIN,
WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND US WHO ARE HEAVY WITH GRIEF.
PLEASE WHISPER HOPE INTO OUR EARS AND HEARTS,
AND PLEASE SEND US YOUR SWEET RELIEF.

HELP US TO KNOW THE LONELINESS HERE
WILL VANISH ONE BEAUTIFUL DAY.
HELP US TO KNOW YOU KNOW HOW WE FEEL,
IN EACH AND EVERY WAY.

HELP US TO KEEP GOING, AS WE REMEMBER
THE LOVED ONES THAT WE MISS.
HELP US KEEP ENJOYING THE LIFE WE HAVE HERE,
AND REMEMBER IT WON’T ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS.


J.N.S. March 7, 2009

TODAY, LORD, I DON’T FEEL SO GOOD.
PRETTY SEEMS SO FAR AWAY…
I DON’T SEE ANYTHING I LIKE,
NOT ONE THING, AT LEAST NOT FOR TODAY.

“MY CHILD, BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND,
YOU DON’T SEE WHAT I SEE IN YOU…
NOT ONLY DO I SEE GOOD ON WHAT’S INSIDE,
I THINK YOU’RE PRETTY ON THE OUTSIDE, TOO.”

BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, GOD,
I DON’T LIKE MY HAIR. NOR DO I LIKE MY FACE.
MY BODY’S HORRENDOUS TO LOOK AT TO ME,
MY LOOKS ARE NOTHING I’LL EVER EMBRACE.

“BUT SWEET DAUGHTER, HAVEN’T YOU LEARNED YET?
THOSE THINGS SIMPLY AREN’T TRUE.
AND STILL, LIKE I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE,
I SEE SO MUCH BEAUTY IN YOU.”

I NEED TO LOSE A BAJILLION POUNDS,
I NEED MORE MAKEUP, AND LIPO, A NEW ‘DO.
I SIMPLY DON’T SEE ANYTHING GOOD AT ALL
WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF, HOW DO YOU?

“YOU’RE MY CHILD, I SEE NOTHING BUT GOOD,
AND THE TRUTH IS SEEN THROUGH MY EYES.
JUST REMEMBER YOUR IDENTITY IS IN ME,
AND STOP BELIEVING ALL THOSE LIES!”

MY HUSBAND CONSTANTLY TELLS ME I’M PRETTY,
THAT NOBODY IS FAIRER THAN I….
FOR YEARS HE’S SAID THIS, BUT I STILL DON’T BELIEVE
HIM, PART OF ME THINKS IT’S A LIE.

I LOOK AROUND ME AND SEE SO MANY
WHO HAVE BODIES THAT I’D GIVE ANYTHING FOR.
I NEVER THINK I’LL BE MUCH TO LOOK AT,
THAT’S SOMETHING I KNOW TO BE SURE.

“MAKE A DECISION, MY SWEET LITTLE GIRL…
WILL YOU TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT I SAY?
I LOOK AT YOU AND SEE IMMENSE BEAUTY,
PLEASE TRY TO BELIEVE ME TODAY.”

J.N.S. March 4, 2009

I’D BEEN LOOKING AT THIS DOOR
BUT IT SEEMED TOO FAR AWAY.
I KNEW I COULD REACH IT,
BUT JUST NOT THAT DAY.

THE DOOR WAS BEAUTIFUL TO ME,
HOW I LONGED TO JUST PEEK THROUGH,
BUT LIFE KEPT HAPPENING, SO MUCH PAIN,
AND I FELT I HAD NOTHING TO CLING TO.

A LITTLE BIT OF FAILURE,
AN AWFUL LOT OF DOUBT,
A HANDFUL OF ABANDOMENT,
SO MUCH OF THIS WAS HARD TO FIGURE OUT.

I’VE GIVEN MY HEART AWAY SO MUCH
TO PEOPLE I THOUGHT WOULD EMBRACE IT,
BUT NOW I WISH I COULD GO WAY BACK
IN TIME TO JUST ERASE IT.

YET ALL THE WHILE, THIS DOOR STOOD THERE-
IN THE MIDDLE OF MY HOME,
AND I JUST KEPT ON WALKING BY
AND FEELING ALL ALONE.

I’VE SEEN MORE DEATH THAN I CAN TAKE,
I’VE SEEN TOO MANY PEOPLE HURTING,
AND ALL THE WHILE INSIDE I’M FEELING
NOTHING BUT EXTREME YEARNING.

YOU’VE SAID I NEED TO BRING IT ALL
TO YOU, BECAUSE I CAN’T HANDLE IT ALONE,
SO I DO, BUT I KEEP ON COMING BACK
BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE SOMETIMES YOU’RE GONE.

AND THE DOOR IS STILL THERE AS
PRETTY AS BEFORE,
HOW I WISH I WOULD JUST REACH OUT
AND OPEN THAT GLORIOUS DOOR.

SO DAYS KEEP PASSING ALL THE WHILE,
AND NOW THEY’RE TURNING INTO YEARS…
ARE YOU STILL HERE FOR ME,
ARE YOU STILL SAVING ALL MY TEARS?

I DECIDED TODAY I WANT TO OPEN THAT DOOR,
THE ONE THAT IS BURSTING WITH HOPE INSIDE,
THE ONE THAT WILL KEEP ME HANGING ON
IN THIS LIFE, THE ONE FROM WHICH I CAN’T HIDE.

AND THOUGH LIFE WILL KEEP MOVING ALONG,
THOUGH THE BAD WILL STILL CREEP THROUGH,
I WILL ENTER THROUGH THIS DOOR OF HOPE,
THE ONE THAT LEADS ME STRAIGHT TO YOU.

J.N.S. March 1, 2009

MY CHILD, I KNOW IT’S HARD RIGHT NOW,
I KNOW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND
WHY THE LIFE YOU’RE LIVING IS SO TOUGH,
WHY IT’S EVERYTHING BUT GRAND.

I KNOW YOU WONDER WHERE I AM,
I KNOW AT TIMES IT SEEMS I’M GONE.
I KNOW YOU WANT TO SCREAM OUT LOUD
SOMETIMES, FROM FEELING ALL ALONE.

BUT I AM THERE, THOUGH YOU CAN’T SEE,
I’M WITH YOU THOUGH THINGS LOOK DOWN…
I’M WITH YOU THROUGH THE HEARTACHE
THOUGH IT SEEMS I’M NOT AROUND.

I KNOW ALL YOUR FRUSTRATIONS, YOUR FEARS,
YOUR WORRIES AND YOUR DOUBT…
AND I KNOW WHEN YOU SEE BADNESS ALL AROUND,
LIFE IS SO TOUGH TO FIGURE OUT.

THOUGH IT’S EASY TO STAY DISCOURAGED
WHEN LIFE KEEPS GIVING A SERIES OF BLOWS,
YOU HAVE TO KEEP TRUSTING, BE FAITHFUL,
REMEMBER I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNOWS.

I’M THE ONE WHO KNOWS THE “WHY’S” AND “HOW’S”
I’M THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOUR FUTURE WELL….
I’M THE ONE WHO HAS YOUR LIFE MAPPED OUT,
SO TRUST IN ME, I’LL NEVER FAIL.

REMEMBER, YOUR LIFE IS NOT A DESTINATION,
IT’S A JOURNEY UNFOLDING EACH DAY…
BUT YOU’LL NEVER REALLY KNOW TRUE LIFE
UNTIL YOU GIVE YOURS ALL AWAY.

J.N.S. February 27, 2009

**I LOVE THE LIBRARY. AND BOOKSTORES. YESTERDAY I TOOK DYLAN TO THE LIBRARY, AND TO A COUPLE BOOKSTORES. WE ALWAYS HAVE FUN THERE. HE COULD JUST SIT IN THERE AND READ FOR HOURS IF I LET HIM. HERE'S A FEW BOOKS I GOT: "MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS", "SILLY STREET", "I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE", "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE", AND "WE'RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT".

**I SPILLED MILK ALL OVER THE FLOOR TODAY. HAD TO MOP IT ALL UP. THEN A FEW MINUTES LATER, DYLAN SPILLED MILK ALL OVER THE FLOOR!! THEN I SPILLED THE LUNCH I WAS CLEANING UP!!! AHHHHH, MOMMYHOOD. :)

**AS HE WAS EATING HIS VEGGIE MINI-CORN DOGS, (HE LOVES THOSE THINGS!) I SAID, "OKAY, BABY, AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE, IT'S NAPTIME.".......DYLAN QUICKLY RESPONDED WITH, "OH GOOD, MOMMA, I REAWWY NEED SOME WEST." HEHE.

**IT IS SO WARM OUTSIDE TODAY. BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO GET COLD AGAIN SOON. I THINK AS SOON AS SPRING HITS, I'M PITCHIN' A TENT OUTSIDE. I'M TIRED OF WINTER. IT DOES NOTHING BUT DEPRESS ME!!!!!

**CONVERSATIONS THAT ARE HAPPENING IN MY HEAD TODAY, AND SOME VERSES THAT RESPOND.**


"I FEEL SO INADEQUATE. I FEEL DOWN AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH."

"HOW PRECIOUS ALSO ARE YOUR THOUGHTS TO ME, O GOD! HOW VAST IS THE SUM OF THEM! IF I SHOULD COUNT THEM, THEY WOULD OUTNUMBER THE SAND." PSALM 139:17-18 (HIS THOUGHTS TO ME ARE SO VAST....THEY OUTNUMBER THE SAND?!?! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HOW MANY LITTLE TINY GRAINS OF SAND THERE ARE IN EVEN A TEASPOON? A CUP? A BUCKET? THE BEACH?.......SOMETHING TO REMEMBER.)

"I AM LONELY TODAY. IT SEEMS LIKE MY FRIENDS ARE SO FAR AWAY, AND NOT JUST IN DISTANCE."

"...AND LO, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN TO THE END OF THE AGE." MATTHEW 28:20B (YOU MEAN ALWAYS? EVEN TO THE END? FOREVER?)

"I AM TIRED TODAY. I AM EXHAUSTED. NOT JUST PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY. DRAINED, WASTED."

"COME TO ME, ALL WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY-LADEN, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU AND LEARN FROM ME, FOR I AM GENTLE AND HUMBLE IN HEART, AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. FOR MY YOKE IS EASY AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT." MATTHEW 11:28-30 (YOU OFFER ME REST? AND YOU OFFER ME TO COME?.....ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO TO YOU, AND I GET REST?)


"I MISS MY MOMMA TERRIBLY. I AM SO ANGRY THAT I DON'T HAVE HER HERE. I AM SO FRUSTRATED THAT SHE WON'T BE HERE FOR THE BIRTH OF THE REST OF MY BABIES, FOR DYLAN'S KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION, FOR MY TWENTY-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, I COULD GO ON FOREVER WITH THIS LIST. GOD, HOW DO YOU CHOOSE WHO STAYS AND WHO GOES? WHY IS SHE GONE? WHY IS THE PAIN SO INTENSE?"

"BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO MOURN, FOR THEY SHALL BE COMFORTED." MATTHEW 5:4

I HAVE BEEN PRAYING THE SAME THINGS FOR SO LONG, THE SAME PRAYERS FOR YEARS NOW, ARE YOU THERE? ARE YOU LISTENING? WILL YOU ANSWER? WILL YOU NOT DO ANYTHING?

"THIS IS THE CONFIDENCE WHICH WE HAVE BEFORE HIM, THAT, IF WE ASK ANYTHING ACCORDING TO HIS WILL HE HEARS US. AND IF WE KNOW THAT HE HEARS US IN WHATEVER WE ASK, WE KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE REQUESTS WHICH WE HAVE ASKED FROM HIM." I JOHN 5:14-15

"ASK, AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU, SEEK, AND YOU WILL FIND; KNOCK, AND IT WILL BE OPENED TO YOU" "IF YOU THEN, BEING EVIL, KNOW HOW TO GIVE GOOD GIFTS TO YOUR CHILDREN, HOW MUCH MORE WILL YOUR FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN GIVE WHAT IS GOOD TO THOSE WHO ASK HIM!" MATTHEW 7:7 AND 7:11


SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE DESPAIR IS WINNING. AS HARD AS I TRY, WHEN I LOOK AROUND ME, WHEN I LOOK AT ALL THE BAD HAPPENING IN MY LIFE AND IN THE LIVES OF THOSE WHOM I LOVE, NOT TO MENTION THOSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW........

"WHY ARE YOU IN DESPAIR, O MY SOUL? AND WHY HAVE YOU BECOME DISTURBED WITHIN ME? HOPE IN GOD, FOR I SHALL AGAIN PRAISE HIM FOR THE HELP OF HIS PRESENCE." PSALM 42:5

"WILL YOU EVER DO ANYTHING, LORD, WILL YOU STEP IN AND DELIVER US?"

"SINCE I AM AFFLICTED AND NEEDY, LET THE LORD BE MINDFUL OF ME. YOU ARE MY HELP AND MY DELIVERER; DO NOT DELAY, O MY GOD." PSALM 40:17

"BEHOLD, I AM COMING QUICKLY, AND MY REWARD IS WITH ME, TO RENDER TO EVERY MAN ACCORDING TO WHAT HE HAS DONE. I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, THE FIRST AND THE LAST, THE BEGINNING AND THE END." REVELATION 22:12-13

OPPOSITES

**I ALWAYS GRIN AND GIGGLE A LITTLE BIT WHEN I'M ASKED, "SO DO YOU WORK, OR DO YOU JUST STAY AT HOME?".....HAHAHA. YEAH, I "JUST" STAY AT HOME. AND SIT THERE. LIKE A LUMP ON A LOG. I DON'T FEED MY SON. I DON'T ENTERTAIN HIM. I DON'T PLAY WITH HIM. I DON'T SING AND DANCE WITH HIM. I DON'T TEACH HIM, (THOUGH HE'S BEEN READING SINCE HE WAS TWO AND A HALF,) I DON'T BATHE HIM, I DON'T DO DISHES, I DON'T DO LAUNDRY, I DON'T TEACH WOMEN'S BIBLE STUDY, I DON'T COORDINATE VBS EVERY SUMMER, I DON'T DUST, I DON'T MOP, I DON'T SWEEP, I DON'T SACRIFICE ANOTHER PAYCHECK SO WE CAN HOMESCHOOL AND NOT HAVE BRAND NEW THINGS ALL THE TIME....THINGS LIKE NEW CLOTHES EVERY SEASON, OR SATELLITE T.V. I DON'T NURTURE MY SON. I DON'T TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH HOME AND FAMILY SINCE MY HUSBAND WORKS FULL TIME, 24 HOURS A DAY, AND IS ALSO GETTING HIS MASTER'S DEGREE. I GET LUNCH BREAKS, TWO FIFTEEN MINUTE BREAKS PER DAY, AND A DRIVE TO AND FROM WORK. I GET TO GET MYSELF READY EVERYDAY. I GET TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH ADULT HUMAN BEINGS ON A DAILY BASIS. I GET TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE EVERYDAY. NO, I DON'T WORK. NOT ONE LITTLE BIT.



BUT I'M NOT BITTER. (REALLY, I'M NOT. JUST WANTED TO SHARE THIS ON MY BLOG, BECAUSE I KNOW FULL WELL THERE ARE PROBABLY OTHER MOTHERS WHO GET ASKED THIS SAME QUESTION.)



THE LAST I CHECKED, A STAY AT HOME MOMMA WAS WORTH ABOUT $200,000 PER YEAR. AND THAT'S JUST FOR THE BASICS.



*NOT THAT A MOMMA WHO WORKS OUT OF THE HOME IS CHOOSING BADLY, MY MOMMA DID ALL MY LIFE. SHE'S THE PERSON I LOOK UP TO THE MOST. BUT WHEN A MOTHER CHOOSES TO WORK AT HOME, IT IS ALSO A FULL-TIME JOB!!! AND THE BENEFITS ARE PRICELESS!!!

KIDDIE BLOG.

REBECCA INSPIRED ME TO DO THIS ONE.

1. I TURNED FOUR A FEW MONTHS AGO. UPON THE ARRIVAL OF MY BIRTHDAY, GOD IMPLANTED A WHOLE NEW ROUND OF ENERGY AND TESTOSTERONE THAT MY MOMMA IS STILL NOT ABLE TO WRAP HER MIND AROUND!!

2. I LOVE SCHOOLTIME AT HOME!! MY FAVORITE TIME IS READING STORIES OUT LOUD TO MOMMA, WRITING NOTES TO PEOPLE I LOVE, AND OF COURSE CUTTING PAPER!!!

3. MY PUPPY'S NAME IS GUSSY-GOO. I NAMED HIM WHEN WE GOT HIM. GUSSY-GOO IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!!

4. I AM VERY SENSITIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE'S NEEDS. THIS PAST SUNDAY AT CHURCH I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT MR. BILL, OUR FRIEND WHO WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR DOUBLE PNEUMONIA. WHEN DADDY SAID IT WAS PRAISE AND PRAYER REQUEST TIME, I RAISED MY HAND AND ASKED HIM TO PRAY FOR HIM . WHEN MR. BILL FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS LATER, IT BROUGHT HIM TO TEARS.

5. I HAVE THIS LITTLE ALARM CLOCK SET UP INSIDE MY BRAIN. YOU SEE, I STILL TAKE REALLY GOOD NAPS. AND I STILL GO TO BED AT AROUND 7:45-8:00. BUT WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY GO TO BED A FEW HOURS LATER, MY BODY AUTOMATICALLY WAKES UP AND I'M READY TO HOP IN BED WITH THEM!!! MOMMY USUALLY MAKES ME GO BACK TO MY BED.....BUT WHEN SHE'S ASLEEP A FEW HOURS LATER, MY ALARM IN MY BRAIN GOES OFF AGAIN, AND I SNEAK IN THEIR ROOM. I REALLY LIKE TO CUDDLE WITH MY MOMMA.

6. I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF FOOD. THIS DRIVES MY MOMMA CRAZY, BECAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS WONDERING IF I'M GETTING ENOUGH VITAMINS AND MINERALS!!! I SHOWED HER AT MY LAST DOCTOR APPOINTMENT WHEN I WAS IN THE 95TH PERCENTILE FOR MY HEIGHT!!! I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT!!

7. I, LIKE ELI, DON'T LIKE T.V. ALL THAT MUCH. BUT I DO HAVE SOME FAVORITE MOVIES. KUNG-FU PANDA, WALL-E, THE GRINCH(WHICH MY MOMMY EDITS WHILE WE WATCH), AND OF COURSE VEGGIETALES.

8. WHEN I GO TO THE GROCERY STORE WITH MOMMA, I LIKE TO PICK OUT NEW FRUITS OR VEGETABLES TO TRY. I FOUND OUT THIS WEEK I DON'T LIKE BLUEBERRIES, BUT I LOVE SPINACH LEAVES DROWNED IN RANCH DRESSING!!

9. I AM OFTEN STOPPED WHEN I'M OUT WITH MY MOMMA BY RANDOM PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON MY BIG BROWN EYES, LONG EYELASHES, AND CURLY HAIR. THEY TELL MOMMA THAT I'M SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BOY.......AND I REMIND THEM THAT BOYS AREN'T BEAUITFUL, THEY'RE HANDSOME!!!

10. I ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS, AND I TALK A WHOLE LOT. ONE OF MY LATEST BURNING QUESTIONS IS, "WHY DID GOD ONLY CREATE GIRLS AND BOYS?"........SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!!