*CONFESSIONS*

I PUT THINGS OFF UNTIL I CAN GET THEM DONE PERFECTLY…….AND END UP NOT DOING SO MANY OF THE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE.

I STRUGGLE WITH FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY. THIS AFFECTS MY LIFE AS A WIFE, MOTHER, PASTOR’S WIFE, HOMESCHOOLING MOMMA, SISTER, DAUGHTER, FRIEND……

WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, I DO NOT SEE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON. I SEE A WOMAN WHO IS SUCH A LITTLE GIRL ON THE INSIDE, AND A WOMAN WHO WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED WITH HOW SHE LOOKS.

I WONDER WHY GOD GAVE ME THE MOST AMAZING GIFT OF BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER, BECAUSE I SO OFTEN FAIL AT IT.

I EXPECT SO MUCH FROM GOD’S CHILDREN, INCLUDING MYSELF….(WHICH I THINK IS A GOOD THING…..) BUT THERE’S A FINE LINE BETWEEN EXPECTATIONS AND JUDGMENTS.

I HAVE A HARD TIME BEING STERN WITH PEOPLE WHO NEED A STERN VOICE. I AM SO SUPER SENSITIVE, SO I’M ALWAYS WALKING ON EGGSHELLS WITH OTHERS…..WHICH MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THEY DON’T NEED THAT.

I OFTEN THINK I WILL NEVER BE A GOOD MOM, AND I WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT MESSING THE FRUIT OF MY WOMB UP.

I AM SUCH A PEOPLE PLEASER. I SAY THIS TO MY SHAME, AS IT IS SUCH A HORRIBLE THING TO LET RULE ONE’S LIFE.

I TALK DOWN ABOUT MYSELF A LOT, ESPECIALLY TO MY HUSBAND. AND I’VE BEEN REALIZING LATELY HOW UGLY THIS HABIT IS. NOT ONLY AM I PUTTING MYSELF DOWN, BUT HIS WIFE, AND MY SON’S MOTHER…….AND THEY ARE HEARING IT. I’M SO ASHAMED OF THAT.

I STRUGGLE WITH ACCEPTING GOD’S GRACE SOMETIMES. I THINK I NEED TO “MAKE IT UP TO HIM”. I OFTEN DWELL ON ALL MY PAST MISTAKES, AND FIND MYSELF HAVING HORRIBLE FEELINGS ABOUT HOW I COULD DO THOSE THINGS.....AND I BEAT MYSELF UP ABOUT ALL OF THEM.

SOMETIMES I THINK I CAN ACTUALLY EARN GOD’S GRACE, MERCY, FORGIVENESS, OR BLESSINGS. I CAN’T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DO THIS.

LORD, FORGIVE ME. YOU ALONE KNOW MY HEART. HELP ME LET GO OF THE THINGS IN MY HEART THAT ARE NOT OF YOU. HELP ME REMEMBER YOUR TRUTHS. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THESE THINGS.