*CONFESSIONS*

I PUT THINGS OFF UNTIL I CAN GET THEM DONE PERFECTLY…….AND END UP NOT DOING SO MANY OF THE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE.

I STRUGGLE WITH FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY. THIS AFFECTS MY LIFE AS A WIFE, MOTHER, PASTOR’S WIFE, HOMESCHOOLING MOMMA, SISTER, DAUGHTER, FRIEND……

WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, I DO NOT SEE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON. I SEE A WOMAN WHO IS SUCH A LITTLE GIRL ON THE INSIDE, AND A WOMAN WHO WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED WITH HOW SHE LOOKS.

I WONDER WHY GOD GAVE ME THE MOST AMAZING GIFT OF BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER, BECAUSE I SO OFTEN FAIL AT IT.

I EXPECT SO MUCH FROM GOD’S CHILDREN, INCLUDING MYSELF….(WHICH I THINK IS A GOOD THING…..) BUT THERE’S A FINE LINE BETWEEN EXPECTATIONS AND JUDGMENTS.

I HAVE A HARD TIME BEING STERN WITH PEOPLE WHO NEED A STERN VOICE. I AM SO SUPER SENSITIVE, SO I’M ALWAYS WALKING ON EGGSHELLS WITH OTHERS…..WHICH MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THEY DON’T NEED THAT.

I OFTEN THINK I WILL NEVER BE A GOOD MOM, AND I WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT MESSING THE FRUIT OF MY WOMB UP.

I AM SUCH A PEOPLE PLEASER. I SAY THIS TO MY SHAME, AS IT IS SUCH A HORRIBLE THING TO LET RULE ONE’S LIFE.

I TALK DOWN ABOUT MYSELF A LOT, ESPECIALLY TO MY HUSBAND. AND I’VE BEEN REALIZING LATELY HOW UGLY THIS HABIT IS. NOT ONLY AM I PUTTING MYSELF DOWN, BUT HIS WIFE, AND MY SON’S MOTHER…….AND THEY ARE HEARING IT. I’M SO ASHAMED OF THAT.

I STRUGGLE WITH ACCEPTING GOD’S GRACE SOMETIMES. I THINK I NEED TO “MAKE IT UP TO HIM”. I OFTEN DWELL ON ALL MY PAST MISTAKES, AND FIND MYSELF HAVING HORRIBLE FEELINGS ABOUT HOW I COULD DO THOSE THINGS.....AND I BEAT MYSELF UP ABOUT ALL OF THEM.

SOMETIMES I THINK I CAN ACTUALLY EARN GOD’S GRACE, MERCY, FORGIVENESS, OR BLESSINGS. I CAN’T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DO THIS.

LORD, FORGIVE ME. YOU ALONE KNOW MY HEART. HELP ME LET GO OF THE THINGS IN MY HEART THAT ARE NOT OF YOU. HELP ME REMEMBER YOUR TRUTHS. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THESE THINGS.

"BUT THE VERY HAIRS OF YOUR HEAD ARE ALL NUMBERED. SO DO NOT FEAR; YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE THAN MANY SPARROWS." *MATTHEW 10:30*


DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT GOD REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT YOU? ALL THE TIME? EVEN THE LITTLE THINGS? HE DOES. OH MY GOODNESS, HE DOES. I HAVE JUST BEEN REMINDED OF THIS, YET AGAIN. HOW QUICKLY I CAN FORGET GOD'S DEEP LOVE FOR ME. HIS CARE FOR ME, THAT NEVER STOPS. AS GOOD AS GOD'S PEOPLE ARE, AS GOOD AS HE MADE US, AS MUCH LOVE THAT WE CAN ALL GIVE.......IT'S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIS LOVE AND CARE. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE WORD "LOVINGKINDESS" THAT WE OFTEN READ IN THE OLD TESTAMENT? IT WASN'T A WORD AT ALL!!! THE HEBREW WORD FOR THIS WAS SUCH A DEEP WORD, DESCRIBING GOD'S LOVE AND CARE FOR US, THAT WE ACTUALLY HAD TO MAKE UP A WORD IN ENGLISH TO USE FOR THE ORIGINAL HEBREW MEANING. THAT'S A LOT OF LOVE!! I HAVE BEEN REMINDED LATELY THAT IF I CAN'T FIND SOMETHING THAT HAS SENTIMENTAL VALUE, IF I AM STRESSED ABOUT LAUNDRY PILING UP, IF MY FEELINGS ARE HURT, IF I AM LONELY, IF I NEED SOMEONE, IF I STUB MY TOE, ANYTHING, EVEN THE LITTLE THINGS.......GOD DOES CARE. JUST THINK ABOUT THAT. WHEN DYLAN COMES TO ME TEARY EYED, AND HE CAN'T FIND HIS BELOVED BEAR-BEAR THAT HE SLEEPS WITH, I DON'T SAY, "TOUGH LUCK, GO TO BED ANYWAY AND GET OVER IT!"....NO, HOW INSENSITIVE!! I IMMEDIATELY LET HIM KNOW I CARE AND HELP HIM LOOK FOR THAT SWEET LITTLE BEAR. (WHICH BY THE WAY, HIS NANA GOT FOR HIM, SHE ALWAYS GOT THE "COMFORT BLANKETS" FOR THE GRANDKIDS.) BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, I CARE ABOUT HIM, I CARE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS, EVEN THOUGH IT ISN'T SUCH A BIG DEAL TO ME, IT IS TO HIM. IF ONLY I DID THIS MORE OFTEN WITH EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE!! I NEEDED TO BE REMINDED OF GOD'S LOVE AND CARE FOR ME OVER THE PAST SEVERAL DAYS, I HOPE I HAVE REMINDED YOU.

"FOR THE LORD IS GOOD; HIS LOVINGKINDNESS IS EVERLASTING AND HIS FAITHFULNESS TO ALL GENERATIONS." *PSALM 100:5*