A BIT PERSONAL.

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE ONLY TWENTY-SEVEN WHEN I LOST MY MOMMA.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO PICK OUT SOMETHING TO WEAR TO HER FUNERAL AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GO THROUGH THE TORTURE OF WHAT DECEMBER ENTAILED.
I NEVER THOUGHT MY MOMMA WOULDN’T BE HERE WITH ME AT THE BIRTHS OF ALL MY CHILDREN.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO HEAR MY LITTLE SWEET BABY ASK ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN, “WHERE IS NANA, CAN I SEE HER? I REALLY LOVE HER. WHERE IS SHE?”.
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D HAVE TO PUT A PICTURE OF MY MOMMA IN MY SON’S ROOM AS A CHEAP SUBSTITUTE FOR HER.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE THIS LONELY.

WHEN I HEAR SOMEONE SAY, “IF IT DOESN’T KILL YOU, IT JUST MAKES YOU STRONGER”…..I KNOW NOW HOW ERRONEOUS THAT STATEMENT IS. WHEN YOU FOLLOW CHRIST, LIFE WILL INEVITABLY MAKE YOU WEAKER. AT OUR WEAKEST, HE IS STRONGEST. WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE LIFE AROUND YOU, AND COME TO PLACES WHERE YOU CAN DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING…..YET HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN…THAT’S WHEN YOU WILL SEE HOW ABSOLUTELY NEEDY YOU ARE. WE COME TO HIM NEEDY. IT IS THEN THAT WE WILL KNOW WE ARE NOTHING WITHOUT HIM.

THIS IS SO PERSONAL, I KNOW. WHY DID I WRITE IT ON MY BLOG? I’M NOT SURE. I GUESS I WANT YOU, WHOEVER READS, TO KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE. THERE ARE OTHERS WHO GRIEVE. IT IS REAL. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. AND IT IS A NEVERENDING PROCESS.

SO BEAUTIFUL.

*IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD THIS SONG, TRY TO. IT'S AMAZING. BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN AND COMPOSED. IT HAS HELPED ME THROUGH SO MUCH IN THE PREVIOUS MONTHS.*

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew,
That all the riches this world had to offer me will never do.

In a world full of bitter pain, and bitter doubts,
I was trying so hard to fit in, Fit in, until I found out
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song Where I don't belong
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul I'll sing for free
We're still chasing our tails In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins No one's won.

See, I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Well, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I will carry a cross With a song where I don't belong
I don't belong

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
No, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set side And set sail For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools

What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound Hey,
let us sing one true tune
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
It feels like I don't belong here,
yeah It goes like
I don't belong here I don't belong (I don't belong)
Won't you let me down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
You always let me down (I don't belong)
So glad that I'm let down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
Cuz I don't belong here
Won't you let me down!

*BY: Switchfoot*