I FINALLY KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
TO LOVE YOU THROUGH MY DESPAIR.
TO LOVE YOU THROUGH THE HURT,
WHEN I CAN’T SEE YOU ANYWHERE.

TO LOVE YOU, BUT STILL WONDER
WHY YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO.
TO LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH I FEEL
SO FAR AWAY FROM YOU.

TO TRUST IN YOU WHEN DARKNESS
SEEMS TO COVER THE WHOLE SKY,
TO HOPE IN YOU, TO FOLLOW,
TO LET YOU COMFORT ME WHEN I CRY.

I’M LEARNING HOW TO HOPE IN YOU
WHEN ALMOST ALL HOPE IS GONE.
TO TRUST YOU’RE STILL HERE
WHEN IT FEELS LIKE I’M ALONE.

I’M LEARNING HOW TO TRUST YOU
WHEN WAITING IS WHERE I’VE STAYED…
EVEN THOUGH EACH AND EVERY NIGHT
ALL I’VE DONE IS PRAYED AND PRAYED.

I’VE BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU TO COME,
FOR YOU TO ANSWER MY PRAYERS…
AND I’LL KEEP ASKING, I’LL KEEP HOPING,
THOUGH I CAN’T SEE YOU ANYWHERE.

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU ARE HERE, LORD
I KNOW ALONE I’LL NEVER BE…
BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU’D NEVER LEAVE,
AND THAT YOU’D ALWAYS BE NEAR ME.

THIS WAITING I’VE BEEN DOING, GOD
CAN HURT SO MUCH SOME DAYS…
I WONDER IF I’VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG…
IF I NEED TO CHANGE MY WAYS.

BUT I REMEMBER THAT LIFE HAPPENS.
YOU CAUSE GOOD AND BAD TO RAIN.
AND LORD, I WILL STILL CLING TO YOU,
THROUGH ALL THE JOY AND PAIN.

JESSICA NICOLE SCHAFER
December 20, 2008

(I KNOW, I KNOW....THIS SNOWMAN LOOKS A LITTLE FREAKY, DOESN'T HE?!? HAHAHA)

*WE'RE ICED IN. BUT, I CAN'T PICK ANYONE ELSE I'D RATHER BE STUCK AT HOME WITH THAN MY BOYS WHOM I LOVE. :)

*I ENJOYED MAKING MY MOMMA'S DISHES SHE ALWAYS DID FOR THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING IT ALL AGAIN FOR CHRISTMAS. MOST PEOPLE, INCLUDING MYSELF, DON'T REMEMBER ALL THE PRESENTS WE GOT FROM YEAR TO YEAR....BUT WE DO REMEMBER TIME WITH OUR PRECIOUS LOVED ONES, BOTH FAMILY AND FRIENDS, AND THE MEALS WE SHARED TOGETHER. NOW THAT MY MOMMA'S NOT HERE, I WILL BE MAKING AN EFFORT TO KEEP DOING A LOT OF THE THINGS SHE ALWAYS DID.

*MY DADDY WILL BE COMING BACK SOON, SO I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

*WE DO THE "SANTA" THING FOR OUR SON. I WAS SOOOOOOOOO AGAINST IT BEFORE I HAD CHILDREN. BUT THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT SEEING A CHILD LIGHT UP, AND KEEPING THEIR LITTLE HEARTS FULL OF WONDER. NO, IT IS NOT THE MAIN FOCUS. OUR LIL' MAN KNOWS WE CELEBRATE AND GIVE GIFTS OUT OF LOVE, IN REMEMBRANCE OF THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL: CHRIST.

*I REALLY MISS MY FRIENDS. YOU GUYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE. HUG YOURSELF FOR ME, I WISH I COULD SEE YOU!!!

*I WISH I HAD MORE TO BLOG ABOUT, BUT THIS PAST YEAR, THIS PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS HAVE JUST BEEN TOUGH. SOMETIMES, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU WANT TO SMILE, LIFE JUST BEATS THE HECK OUT OF YOU. LIKE I MENTIONED BEFORE, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT YEAR. IT HAS BEEN ODD GETTING TO KNOW THIS OTHER SIDE OF GOD WHOM I'VE NEVER HAD TO FACE BEFORE. THOUGH HE HAS ALLOWED CERTAIN THINGS TO HAPPEN THAT ARE SEVERELY HARD TO GO THROUGH....I FEEL MORE INTIMATE WITH HIM. IT HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT NO MATTER WHAT I DO, EVEN IF I DO EVERYTHING "RIGHT", HE WILL STILL HAVE THE ULTIMATE SAY ON HOW MY LIFE GOES.

"FOR IF HE CAUSES GRIEF, THEN HE WILL HAVE COMPASSION ACCORDING TO HIS ABUNDANT LOVINGKINDNESS..................IS IT NOT FROM THE MOUTH OF THE MOST HIGH THAT BOTH GOOD AND ILL GO FORTH?"

*LAMENTATIONS 3:32 & 38