When I was a little girl, I used to be so afraid of what might happen to my Momma and Daddy. I don’t know where these thoughts came from. I would pray night after night that God would protect them and keep them here with me, letting them have healthy and long lives.
Then the unthinkable happened. I was Momma to my sweet little three year old boy, still waiting to have more children, still needing my own Momma for so many things. Still hoping she’d be here throughout the births of my other children, still looking forward to talking on the phone with her everyday since I didn’t live near her. And just like that, my worst fear happened. Her life was tragically ended. I will forever grieve that amazing woman…but I know this is not the last word…for in Him I have the hope of being reunited; because of L O V E.
I was forever afraid that I would end up with a husband who did not treat me well. I don’t know where this came from, either. I just didn’t believe I was worth much, I guess. Then God gave to me the most amazing gift ever, my husband. He has forever been loving, faithful, encouraging, and a shining example of what God’s love is to me. Our marriage has been the bright spot through this season of darkness; because of L O V E.
I have watched people I thought were our friends tear us down in their judgmental ways. I have been abused by the very ones I loved. BUT I have been blessed to find out what true love is in the midst. I have realized in an even bigger way that I hurt for these people who have treated my family miserably. They need help. They need to understand His love before they are able to give it. I hope one day they realize that, and reach out a hand to the God who is Love. They are forgiven; because of L O V E.
After going through so many hurtful things over the past two and a half years, especially since last summer, I was so scared my family would still be searching for community and a place of our own. Here we are, still searching. We stand here hurting, wounded, often alone, wondering what will happen in the future. Yet, we are still pressing on; because of L O V E.
Guess what, Fear???
We ARE still standing.
We have survived my biggest fears…and lived to tell about it. I have survived the deepest wounds, and I press on.
Though I carry the scars to prove the battles I have endured, that is all they are…..BATTLES.
You will not win. You never have. You have already been defeated in the mere fact that I am sharing my story. My victory is in Him. Though He could have changed many things, He is still the One who holds my family. Though you still whisper falsities into my ears….EVEN through His very children sometimes, I know you are full of lies. For even through the heartache, despair, loneliness, and hopelessness…….L O V E has already won, and L O V E will prevail.
A loved one.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Posted by jesnicole at 10:36 AM