A Blanket of Grief lined with comfort.

If you've ever lost someone close to you, you know the hurt that comes and goes throughout the rest of your life. Some days are harder than others, but the absence of that loved one is always there. And if you are a girl who lost your Mother at a young age.....it changes you in ways you'd never expect. One of my sweet friends, who is actually in her sixties, told me that when she lost her mother at a young age she found herself couting down the days until she was her mother's age when she passed away. I've found myself starting on that same path.

Of course, birthdays are tough to celebrate.....and especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. My Momma's birthday just passed at the beginning of this month. That day is always really rough on myself, and I'm sure my Daddy and sister. For some odd reason.....Valentine's day was a real tear jerker for me. (And I cried thinking of my Daddy having to go through this day without Momma.) Let me back up a bit.

We woke up Sunday morning and I was exhausted. I don't remember how late I was up the night before, but I just couldn't rest well. Given our family's predicament over the last several months, there are many nights that I don't rest well. But my husband was nudging me awake bright and early Sunday morning, Valentine's Day, saying "Get up! Happy Valentine's Day! We need to get ready to go to church". We've been attending a place that's about half an hour's drive, and we have to get up pretty early. I was not into this whole, "get up" thing that morning. I would've been perfectly content to rest a little bit. But I got up, quickly got ready, fed my lil' babylove and got him all dressed and ready to go.

After Sunday School, we walked down to the sanctuary, and sitting in front of me is a young girl, about my age. Beside her is what appears to be her Mother. Her mother keeps putting her arm around the young girl, lovingly. And I couldn't help but notice, they were directly in front of me. There's this part of me everytime I see a girl my age with her Mother that makes me want to scream, "WHY!!!!! Why do you get to have yours, but mine is gone!?!?!??!".....and I know that's normal. But quickly, that part of me was quieted by another part. I just wanted to go grab that young girl and tell her, "Hold on!!!!! Don't for a second take for granted that your Momma is right there with you, loving you and doting on you, treasure it!".....

There are days that are much harder, days when the tears just flow and as quickly as I wipe them, more are falling right behind. Valentine's Day was one of those for me.

Just after I noticed that girl and her mother, someone gets up and reads, Philippians 4:6-7 which reads,
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Those were the last words My Momma wrote in her journal.

The entire sermon was about these verses.

So needless to say, the tears were flowing. Times like this I can think, "God, WHY!!! Why torture me with these memories?!?!"....OR I can think, "THANK YOU, LORD!! Thank you for such sweet memories and reminders of My Momma.....it brings me such comfort to know You're there and You remember me, You remember my pain and You offer comfort and hope!!" I chose that second line of thinking.

To top this Sunday morning off, we sang a hymn that had these words,

"The Lord is never far away,
But, thro' all grief distressing,
An ever-present help and stay,
Our peace and joy and blessing;
As with a mother's tender hand
He leads His own, His chosen band:
To God all praise and glory!"

"Sing Praise to God Who Reigns Above" by Johann J. Schutz


Through the pain and tears, through my joy and fears, through my aches and memories....thank you, Lord. Thank you for reaching out to me in a time where the hurt cuts so deep I can do nothing but cry. Thank you for a husband who encourages me.