MY CHILD, I KNOW IT’S HARD RIGHT NOW,
I KNOW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND
WHY THE LIFE YOU’RE LIVING IS SO TOUGH,
WHY IT’S EVERYTHING BUT GRAND.

I KNOW YOU WONDER WHERE I AM,
I KNOW AT TIMES IT SEEMS I’M GONE.
I KNOW YOU WANT TO SCREAM OUT LOUD
SOMETIMES, FROM FEELING ALL ALONE.

BUT I AM THERE, THOUGH YOU CAN’T SEE,
I’M WITH YOU THOUGH THINGS LOOK DOWN…
I’M WITH YOU THROUGH THE HEARTACHE
THOUGH IT SEEMS I’M NOT AROUND.

I KNOW ALL YOUR FRUSTRATIONS, YOUR FEARS,
YOUR WORRIES AND YOUR DOUBT…
AND I KNOW WHEN YOU SEE BADNESS ALL AROUND,
LIFE IS SO TOUGH TO FIGURE OUT.

THOUGH IT’S EASY TO STAY DISCOURAGED
WHEN LIFE KEEPS GIVING A SERIES OF BLOWS,
YOU HAVE TO KEEP TRUSTING, BE FAITHFUL,
REMEMBER I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNOWS.

I’M THE ONE WHO KNOWS THE “WHY’S” AND “HOW’S”
I’M THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOUR FUTURE WELL….
I’M THE ONE WHO HAS YOUR LIFE MAPPED OUT,
SO TRUST IN ME, I’LL NEVER FAIL.

REMEMBER, YOUR LIFE IS NOT A DESTINATION,
IT’S A JOURNEY UNFOLDING EACH DAY…
BUT YOU’LL NEVER REALLY KNOW TRUE LIFE
UNTIL YOU GIVE YOURS ALL AWAY.

J.N.S. February 27, 2009

**I LOVE THE LIBRARY. AND BOOKSTORES. YESTERDAY I TOOK DYLAN TO THE LIBRARY, AND TO A COUPLE BOOKSTORES. WE ALWAYS HAVE FUN THERE. HE COULD JUST SIT IN THERE AND READ FOR HOURS IF I LET HIM. HERE'S A FEW BOOKS I GOT: "MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS", "SILLY STREET", "I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE", "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE", AND "WE'RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT".

**I SPILLED MILK ALL OVER THE FLOOR TODAY. HAD TO MOP IT ALL UP. THEN A FEW MINUTES LATER, DYLAN SPILLED MILK ALL OVER THE FLOOR!! THEN I SPILLED THE LUNCH I WAS CLEANING UP!!! AHHHHH, MOMMYHOOD. :)

**AS HE WAS EATING HIS VEGGIE MINI-CORN DOGS, (HE LOVES THOSE THINGS!) I SAID, "OKAY, BABY, AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE, IT'S NAPTIME.".......DYLAN QUICKLY RESPONDED WITH, "OH GOOD, MOMMA, I REAWWY NEED SOME WEST." HEHE.

**IT IS SO WARM OUTSIDE TODAY. BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO GET COLD AGAIN SOON. I THINK AS SOON AS SPRING HITS, I'M PITCHIN' A TENT OUTSIDE. I'M TIRED OF WINTER. IT DOES NOTHING BUT DEPRESS ME!!!!!

**CONVERSATIONS THAT ARE HAPPENING IN MY HEAD TODAY, AND SOME VERSES THAT RESPOND.**


"I FEEL SO INADEQUATE. I FEEL DOWN AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH."

"HOW PRECIOUS ALSO ARE YOUR THOUGHTS TO ME, O GOD! HOW VAST IS THE SUM OF THEM! IF I SHOULD COUNT THEM, THEY WOULD OUTNUMBER THE SAND." PSALM 139:17-18 (HIS THOUGHTS TO ME ARE SO VAST....THEY OUTNUMBER THE SAND?!?! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HOW MANY LITTLE TINY GRAINS OF SAND THERE ARE IN EVEN A TEASPOON? A CUP? A BUCKET? THE BEACH?.......SOMETHING TO REMEMBER.)

"I AM LONELY TODAY. IT SEEMS LIKE MY FRIENDS ARE SO FAR AWAY, AND NOT JUST IN DISTANCE."

"...AND LO, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN TO THE END OF THE AGE." MATTHEW 28:20B (YOU MEAN ALWAYS? EVEN TO THE END? FOREVER?)

"I AM TIRED TODAY. I AM EXHAUSTED. NOT JUST PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY. DRAINED, WASTED."

"COME TO ME, ALL WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY-LADEN, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU AND LEARN FROM ME, FOR I AM GENTLE AND HUMBLE IN HEART, AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. FOR MY YOKE IS EASY AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT." MATTHEW 11:28-30 (YOU OFFER ME REST? AND YOU OFFER ME TO COME?.....ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO TO YOU, AND I GET REST?)


"I MISS MY MOMMA TERRIBLY. I AM SO ANGRY THAT I DON'T HAVE HER HERE. I AM SO FRUSTRATED THAT SHE WON'T BE HERE FOR THE BIRTH OF THE REST OF MY BABIES, FOR DYLAN'S KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION, FOR MY TWENTY-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, I COULD GO ON FOREVER WITH THIS LIST. GOD, HOW DO YOU CHOOSE WHO STAYS AND WHO GOES? WHY IS SHE GONE? WHY IS THE PAIN SO INTENSE?"

"BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO MOURN, FOR THEY SHALL BE COMFORTED." MATTHEW 5:4

I HAVE BEEN PRAYING THE SAME THINGS FOR SO LONG, THE SAME PRAYERS FOR YEARS NOW, ARE YOU THERE? ARE YOU LISTENING? WILL YOU ANSWER? WILL YOU NOT DO ANYTHING?

"THIS IS THE CONFIDENCE WHICH WE HAVE BEFORE HIM, THAT, IF WE ASK ANYTHING ACCORDING TO HIS WILL HE HEARS US. AND IF WE KNOW THAT HE HEARS US IN WHATEVER WE ASK, WE KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE REQUESTS WHICH WE HAVE ASKED FROM HIM." I JOHN 5:14-15

"ASK, AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU, SEEK, AND YOU WILL FIND; KNOCK, AND IT WILL BE OPENED TO YOU" "IF YOU THEN, BEING EVIL, KNOW HOW TO GIVE GOOD GIFTS TO YOUR CHILDREN, HOW MUCH MORE WILL YOUR FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN GIVE WHAT IS GOOD TO THOSE WHO ASK HIM!" MATTHEW 7:7 AND 7:11


SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE DESPAIR IS WINNING. AS HARD AS I TRY, WHEN I LOOK AROUND ME, WHEN I LOOK AT ALL THE BAD HAPPENING IN MY LIFE AND IN THE LIVES OF THOSE WHOM I LOVE, NOT TO MENTION THOSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW........

"WHY ARE YOU IN DESPAIR, O MY SOUL? AND WHY HAVE YOU BECOME DISTURBED WITHIN ME? HOPE IN GOD, FOR I SHALL AGAIN PRAISE HIM FOR THE HELP OF HIS PRESENCE." PSALM 42:5

"WILL YOU EVER DO ANYTHING, LORD, WILL YOU STEP IN AND DELIVER US?"

"SINCE I AM AFFLICTED AND NEEDY, LET THE LORD BE MINDFUL OF ME. YOU ARE MY HELP AND MY DELIVERER; DO NOT DELAY, O MY GOD." PSALM 40:17

"BEHOLD, I AM COMING QUICKLY, AND MY REWARD IS WITH ME, TO RENDER TO EVERY MAN ACCORDING TO WHAT HE HAS DONE. I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, THE FIRST AND THE LAST, THE BEGINNING AND THE END." REVELATION 22:12-13