EVERYDAY IS DIFFERENT.

IF YOU'VE LOST A LOVED ONE, YOU KNOW THIS PAIN I'M FEELING. THE DAYS ARE DIFFERENT, THE MOMENTS ARE DIFFERENT. AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL. THE TEARS, MEMORIES, HOPES, FEELINGS....THEY COME AND GO AS THEY PLEASE. I'VE SAID IT BEFORE, AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: THIS WAS NEVER MEANT TO GO THROUGH ALONE. IT'S MUCH TOO HEAVY OF A BURDEN TO CARRY ON YOUR OWN. EVEN AS I TYPE THIS, I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF OF IT. LET GOD CARRY IT WITH YOU...EVEN IF YOU'RE ANGRY WITH HIM. LET YOUR LOVED ONES HELP YOU THROUGH IT. AND KNOW THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO HAVE THIS HURT IN THEIR CHEST THAT TIME WILL NEVER HEAL. ONLY THE DAY YOU SEE YOUR LOVED ONE AGAIN....THAT'S WHAT WILL MAKE IT BETTER.

TODAY'S BEEN TOUGH. I THINK BECAUSE MY HUSBAND'S PARENTS ARE COMING TO VISIT. I GET SO ANGRY AND MAD THAT HE GETS TO SEE HIS MOMMA. I KNOW THESE ARE NORMAL FEELINGS, BUT I HATE HAVING THEM. I GET SO ANGRY BECAUSE MY MOMMA CAN'T COME VISIT US. (THOUGH I KNOW SHE'S REALLY STILL WITH ME) I GET SO SAD. THE SADNESS, AT MOMENTS, IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. I'M GLAD MY HUSBAND HAS HIS PARENTS, DON'T GE ME WRONG, BUT IF YOU'VE LOST A PARENT, YOU CAN PROBABLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THE FEELINGS I'M HAVING. I WAS SO CLOSE TO HER. AND NOW SHE'S NOT HERE.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME IF YOU'RE READING THIS. AND NOT ONLY ME, MY FAMILY. AND PLEASE PRAY FOR THOSE THAT YOU KNOW AND DON'T KNOW WHO ARE CARRYING SOMETHING THIS HEAVY.

I FIND COMFORT IN THIS SONG:


Poughkeepsiewords and music: Bergquistrecording: Good Dog Bad Dog

I thought I'd go up Poughkeepsie, look out o'er the Hudson,
and I'd throw my body down on the river.
And I'd know no more sorrow,I'd fly like the sparrow
and I'd ride on the backs of the angels tonight.

I'd ride on the backs of the angels tonight.
I'd take to the sky with all my might.
No more drowning in my sorrow,no more drowning in my fright,
I'd just ride on the backs of the angels tonight.

There are those who know sorrow and those who must borrow
and those whose lot in life is sweet.
Well I'm drunk on self-pity,scorned all that's been given me,
I would drink from a bottle labeled Sure Defeat.

I'd ride on the backs of the angels tonight.
I'd take to the sky with all my might.No more drowning in my sorrow,
no more drowning in my fright,
I'd just ride on the backs of the angels tonight.

Then the skies, they fell open and my eyes were opened
to a world of hope falling at my feet.
Now I've no more or less than anyone else has,
what I have is a gift of life I can't repeat.

So I go up Poughkeepsie, look out o'er the Hudson
and I cast my worries to the sky.
Now I still know sorrow,but I can fly like the sparrow
'cause I ride on the backs of the angels tonight.

I ride on the backs of the angels tonight.
I take to the sky with all their might.
No more drowning in my sorrow,
no more drowning in my fright,
I'll just ride on the backs of the angels each night.

*TAKEN FROM OVERTHERHINE.COM*

GOINGS ON.

BARGAIN!!

WE NEEDED NEW PHONES (WELL, I HAVE FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS NOW…JUST WAITED UNTIL OUR CONTRACT WAS OVER SO I WOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY AN ARM AND A LEG) SO WE WENT LOOKING YESTERDAY.

BRAND NEW CAMERA PHONE, WITH CARD TO TRANSFER PICTURES TO YOUR COMPUTER, (I HATED THAT I COULDN’T DO THAT WITH MY LAST ONE) ALSO HAS AN MP3 PLAYER ON IT!! GOOD DEAL. BUT HOW MUCH? 99 BUCKS WITH CONTRACT…..AND A 100 DOLLAR REBATE!!! YAY!! SO, REALLY, I’M GETTING A DOLLAR BACK! I’M NEVER REALLY EXCITED ABOUT A NEW CELL PHONE…BUT A STINKIN’ NICE ONE THAT’S FREE!! NOW, THAT’S CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION FROM THIS CHEAP MOMMA!! ALSO, NEW HUGE PUZZLE BOOKS FOR DYLAN.......OUR FAMILY LOVES BOOKSTORES....ESPECIALLY BORDERS, WHICH ALWAYS HAS GOOD LEARNING STUFF FOR LITTLE ONES ON CLEARANCE!! IF WE'RE EVER OUT ON A FAMILY DAY...WE'LL ALWAYS END UP AT TWO OR THREE BOOKSTORES. YAY FOR BARGAINS!!

IT’S BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE. SO MUCH NEEDS TO BE DONE INSIDE OUR HOUSE…….BUT THE (WHAT LOOKS LIKE A) SPRING DAY IS CALLING MY NAME…….WE’LL SEE IF THIS WORK GETS DONE INSIDE...OR PUT OFF......WHICH IS PERFECTLY OKAY SOMETIMES!!!

ANYWAY, I GOT TO HANG OUT WITH VICKI THIS PAST WEEKEND, WHICH WAS FUN. I NEVER GET TO GET AWAY AND SEE OTHER GROWN HUMANS!!! I LOVE SPENDING ALL DAY WITH MY LIL’ MAN, BUT SOMETIMES, I NEED INTERACTION!!

DYLAN’S BEEN OBSESSED WITH THESE LITTLE DOLLAR CAPSULES FROM THE STORE THAT TURN INTO EASTER SPONGES WHEN PUT IN THE WATER. HEY, IF HE’S LOVIN’ IT, I’M PROBABLY GOING TO GET SOME MORE!! I’M ENJOYING THE ABILITY TO ENTERTAIN HIM EASILY WHILE I CAN! I KNOW IT WON’T LAST FOREVER.

COMING UP: IN-LAWS COMING THIS WEEK. THAT’LL BE BUSY. I’M SURE THEY’LL BRING MORE STUFF FOR DYLAN…….SEEING A REALLY GOOD FRIEND THAT I’VE MISSED TERRIBLY THIS WEEKEND FOR A GIRL’S NIGHT OUT!!! YAY!! HOPEFULLY SEEING DADDY SOON…I MISS HIM LIKE CRAZY…..HILARIE IS COMING TO SEE ME MAYBE NEXT WEEKEND!!! ….. I CAN’T EVEN STAND IT, I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHEN SHE COMES .......IN-LAWS COMING BACK AND DARRYL’S GRANDPARENTS, TOO IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.......LOTS HAPPENING. SPRINGTIME ALWAYS BRINGS LOTS OF ACTIVITY IN OUR HOME. BUT WE LOVE IT.

P.S. I’VE BEEN HAVING SOME REALLY ROUGH DAYS, AND I KNOW I ALWAYS WILL. I REALLY WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR PRAYERS. TODAY HASN’T BEEN SO BAD…MY MOMMA ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT THINGS ARE ALWAYS HARDER AND SCARIER AT NIGHT….SHE’S SO RIGHT. NIGHTTIME IS USUALLY WHEN I FALL APART AND MOST DEFINITELY END UP CRYING. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY…IT’S STILL PRETTY HARD.

TOMORROW.

IF I SAID I’D GIVE YOU EVERYTHING
WOULD YOU FOLLOW ME?
IF I SAID YOU’D HAVE IT ALL
WOULD YOU SERVE ME LOVINGLY?

IF I SAID LIFE WOULD BE EASY
NEVER A TROUBLE OR A CARE,
WOULD YOU BLINDLY FOLLOW ALONG
ALWAYS TRUSTING THAT I’M THERE?

IF I WHISPERED IN YOUR EAR
THAT EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS YOURS
WOULD YOU TRAVEL ALONG BEHIND ME
NEVER ASKING WHAT’S THROUGH EACH DOOR?

AND WHAT IF YOUR LOT IN LIFE
EVEN FOR A WHILE BECOMES UNKIND?
WOULD I LOOK BACK AND SEE YOU
STILL FOLLOWING BEHIND?

WHAT IF THINGS TAKE A TURN
AND AREN’T SO HAPPY AND CONTENT?
WHAT IF DOWN A LOWLY PATH
IT WAS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY I SENT?

WOULD YOU KEEP IN THE RACE
TRUSTING THINGS WOULD ALL WORK OUT-
OR WOULD YOU DECIDE IT’S TIME TO QUIT
AND YELL AND SCREAM AND SHOUT?

WHAT IF I NEVER GIVE YOU
THE THINGS IN LIFE YOU LONG FOR?
WHAT IF I CHOOSE TO TAKE YOU PLACES
THAT HAVE YOU ALL ALONE AND POOR?

HOW LONG WILL YOU FOLLOW ME?
WILL YOUR JOURNEY HAVE AN END?
WILL YOU TRUST ME WHEN YOUR LIFE
LOOKS LIKE I AM NOT BEING YOUR FRIEND?

MY CHILD, THIS LIFE IS PROMISING
OF MANY THINGS THAT ARE SO GOOD
BUT DEATH IS ALSO CERTAIN HERE
IT DOESN’T HAPPEN AS YOU THINK IT SHOULD.

SO TAKE COMFORT, I AM STILL HERE
THOUGH YOU FEEL ABANDONMENT TONIGHT
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE, MY LOVE-
KEEP FOLLOWING IN MY LIGHT.

THERE ARE MANY SIDES OF ME YOU KNOW
I AM MADE NOT ONLY OF LOVE BUT SORROW—
BUT I AM ALWAYS THE SAME,
FROM YESTERDAY TO TOMORROW.

JESSICA SCHAFER 03-09-08