A PRAYER.

THEY SAY TIME WILL HEAL ALL WOUNDS,
BUT YOU REMIND ME THAT’S NOT TRUE…
WE’LL ALWAYS CARRY THE MEMORIES,
WE’LL JUST HAVE TO LEAN MORE ON YOU.

I USED TO THINK I COULD JUST READ A BOOK
TO TELL ME HOW TO DEAL
WITH ALL THE GRIEF, ALL THE HEARTACHE,
BUT NOW I KNOW WHAT’S REAL.

YOU’VE OFFERED TO TAKE MY BURDENS,
EACH AND EVERY ONE I CARRY…
PLEASE LORD, SHOULDER THIS PAIN FOR ME,
COME NOW, FATHER, DO NOT TARRY.

THOUGH THIS PROBABLY WON’T BE THE
LAST TIME GRIEF COMES KNOCKING AT MY DOOR,
I KNOW THAT YOU WILL CARRY ME THROUGH,
LORD….I KNOW THAT NOW MORE THAN EVER BEFORE.

WE READ IN YOUR GOOD BOOK THAT
DEATH IS A PART OF THIS LIFE HERE…
AND WE WILL HAVE TO FACE IT,
ALL THE WHILE KNOWING YOU ARE NEAR.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO COMFORT ME,
AND OTHERS WHO SHOULDER SUCH PAIN.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO HUG US TIGHT,
HELP US CLING TO YOU THROUGH THE RAIN.

WHILE I REMEMBER THIS TRAGEDY, LORD,
WHILE I RE-LIVE THE PAIN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
THANK YOU FOR THE PROMISE THAT YOU ARE HERE,
AND THANK YOU FOR STILL ALLOWING ME TO SMILE.

JESSICA SCHAFER October 14, 2008

*WELL, IT WENT JUST AS QUICKLY AS IT CAME. AND NOW I’M 28. I HONESTLY DON’T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT. I WAS TELLING SOME FRIENDS TODAY THAT I THINK BETWEEN 21-29, NOT A LOT HAPPENS. I MEAN, LIFE HAPPENS, AND IT DEFINITELY CHANGES YOU. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO HOW I LOOK AND “FEEL”…..PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THERE.

*DARRYL TOOK ME AWAY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. IT WAS A LOT OF FUN. HE SPOILED ME, AS USUAL. HE ALWAYS GOES OVERBOARD. HE TOOK ME SHOPPING, TO A JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE, WE ALL WENT TO ANOTHER FALL FESTIVAL PLACE WITH A CORN MAZE, PUMPKIN PATCH, PONY RIDE, ETC…..DYLAN LOVED THAT. THEY GOT ME “THE WIZARD OF OZ” MONOPOLY GAME AND A STEAMER THAT I HAD BEEN WANTING FOREVER TO USE INSTEAD OF AN IRON………WHICH, BY THE WAY IS AWESOME. AND IT WAS VERY AFFORDABLE, TOO. WE WERE DRIVING HOME AND HE SAID, “BABY, I JUST WANTED TO KEEP YOU BUSY AND HAVING A GOOD TIME….”….HE KNEW IT WAS A TOUGH DAY FOR ME. I LOVE THAT MAN.

*AND YES, IT WAS TOUGH. IT JUST WASN’T THE SAME WITHOUT MY MOMMA CALLING ME OR BEING HERE WITH ME. IT’S HARD WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT. I MEAN, ESPECIALLY WHEN I SEE A GAL MY AGE HANGING OUT WITH HER MOMMA AND HER GRANDMOTHER, TOO…….I FIND MYSELF ENVYING HER IN SO MANY WAYS. I KNOW THAT’LL NEVER BE ME. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL MOMMA AGAIN. I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW ANOTHER MOMMA WHO WAS AS HILARIOUS AS HER. SHE WAS ALWAYS MAKING PEOPLE SMILE AND LAUGH.

*KNOWING THAT IT WOULDN’T HAPPEN, THAT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE, I STILL FOUND MYSELF WAITING FOR MY MOMMA TO CALL ME ALL DAY ON MY BIRTHDAY. THERE WAS JUST THIS SMALL PART OF ME THAT WISHED IT SO MUCH THAT I FOUND MYSELF, IN MOMENTS THAT WERE FLEETING, WAITING TO HEAR HER VOICE. ANOTHER THING THAT JUST BREAKS MY HEART IS WHEN WE’RE OUT IN PUBLIC, AROUND A SEA OF PEOPLE, I’LL SEE A LADY OFF IN THE DISTANCE WITH HER HAIR COLOR, OR A SHIRT THAT LOOKS LIKE ONE OF HERS, AND I’LL TAKE THREE OR FOUR LOOKS THINKING, “OH, DARRYL, THERE’S MOMMA…..HOLD ON, LET ME GO GET HER AND TELL HER WE’RE HERE….I WONDER WHAT SHE’S DOING HERE?!?!....”…..AND THEN I REMEMBER. I HATE THOSE MOMENTS WHEN I HAVE TO REMEMBER REALITY.

*THANK YOU, MANDY AND BEN, FOR REMINDING ME IN THE PREVIOUS POST THAT IT’S OKAY TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS OF GRIEF AND MISSING MY MOMMA….AND REMINDING ME THAT THE FRIENDS I HAVE THAT LOVE ME WILL MEET ME THERE.

*LET’S SEE…..IT’S BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE. AND IT WAS YESTERDAY, TOO. FALL IS WONDERFUL.

*I’M SO TIRED OF ALL THE ANTI-MCCAIN AND ANTI-OBAMA ADS, BOOKS, ETC…OUT THERE. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO PEOPLE JUST SAYING, “HEY, THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR ME….”…..INSTEAD OF LASHING OUT? AND BOTH SIDES ARE GUILTY OF THIS. IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE. AND IT’S SO OBVIOUS THAT WHAT THEY SAY TO ATTACK EACH OTHER IS NOT THE WHOLE TRUTH, THEY JUST TAKE OUT WHAT THEY KNOW WILL MAKE THE OTHER LOOK BAD, AND LEAVE OUT THE REST OF THE TRUTH. AYAYAY.

*WE GOT A NEW EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM DARRYL’S PARENTS…..A VIDEO CAMERA!! I LOVE IT. IT DOES BOTH PICTURES AND VIDEO, AND IT TAKES SOME GOOD SHOTS. MY FAVORITE THING IS THAT YOU CAN JUST HOOK IT RIGHT UP TO THE T.V. AND LOOK AT ALL THE PICS ON THERE!! WOW!! I WAS AMAZED. I’M SURE THIS HAS BEEN AROUND FOR A WHILE, BUT WE HARDLY EVER GET TO BUY NEW FANCY TECHNOLOGICAL STUFF…..SO THIS CAMERA IS THE STUFF IN MY OPINION!! AND WHEN I FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT PICS ON THE COMPUTER…..I’LL POST SOME.

*ANOTHER THING I DID OVER THE WEEKEND WAS GET MY EYES CHECKED, FINALLY!!! YAY!! IT HAD BEEN TWO YEARS I HAD GONE FOR MY CONTACTS, AND I THINK FIVE YEARS SINCE I'D BEEN FOR MY GLASSES. SO, I GOT GLASSES AND CONTACTS. AND YES, MY EYES WERE A BIT WORSE. I LIKE MY GLASSES, AND DARRYL SAID THEY REMIND HIM OF MY NEICE'S GLASSES.....ROCK ON!! WE HAVE SOME GOOD TASTE!! :)

*MY SWEET, SWEET, SWEET FRIEND REBECCA HAS AN EXCITING WEEK AHEAD!!!!!!!!! WE’RE PRAYING FOR YOU!! LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

*I MISS MY FRIENDS EXTREMELY TODAY. MY HEART WANTS TO BE WITH THEM!!! LOVE YOU, PEOPLE!!!