A LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

AS I WAS GOING ABOUT MY DAY RECENTLY, IT WAS JUST “ONE OF THOSE DAYS”. I WAS NOT BEHAVING IN A VERY……BECOMING MANNER, WE’LL CALL IT. AS I WAS GOING ALONG, HAVING A ROTTEN ATTITUDE, (HEY, IT HAPPENS) I CAUGHT MYSELF. I SUDDENLY THOUGHT, “JESSICA, YOU BETTER BEHAVE. GOD WILL NEVER ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS IF YOU’RE BEHAVING THIS WAY! HE SIMPLY WON’T HEAR YOU IF YOU’RE NOT DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!”……….NOW, GO BACK AND READ THAT BOLD PART AGAIN. GO AHEAD, READ IT.

YEAH, NOW HOW MANY HOLES ARE IN THAT THOUGHT? I CAN’T BELIEVE I THOUGHT THAT, FOR EVEN A SECOND!!!!!!! WHAT A HORRIBLE, FEAR-BASED, ARROGANT, SELF-RIGHTEOUS, ROTTEN WAY TO THINK!!! LORD, FORGIVE ME. FORGIVE ME FOR THINKING THAT I CAN EARN ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO GIVE. EVEN IF I THOUGHT IT FOR ONLY A MINUTE….I STILL THOUGHT IT. I THOUGHT THAT I COULD PRAY AND FAST MY WAY INTO YOUR BLESSINGS. AND THAT’S NOT HOW YOU WORK. YOU’RE NOT A MAGIC GENIE WHO WILL BLESS ME WHEN I’M DOING RIGHT AND CURSE ME WHEN I’M DOING WRONG. I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME, FATHER. NOT A THING. YOU CAUSE IT TO RAIN ON THE JUST AND THE UNJUST. THANK YOU FOR NEVER GIVING ME WHAT I DESERVE, OR GIVING ANYONE ELSE WHAT THEY DESERVE…….BECAUSE IF YOU DID, WE’D ALL BE IN TROUBLE. MANY WHO DON’T KNOW YOU EXPERIENCE THE WONDERFUL BLESSINGS YOU OFFER……AND MANY WHO FOLLOW FAITHFULLY NEVER GET TO SEE WONDERFUL BLESSINGS HERE. WE DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. AND I’M SO SORRY FOR THINKING I CAN “GET ON YOUR GOOD SIDE” AND BE REWARDED FOR BEHAVING HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO BEHAVE!!! AND LORD, HELP YOUR PEOPLE HERE IN AMERICA---THEY STINK OF SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS AND JUDGMENT. HELP US TRULY KNOW YOU, SO WE CAN TRULY MAKE YOU KNOWN.

"THEREFORE THERE IS NOW NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS. FOR THE LAW OF THE SPIRIT OF LIFE IN CHRIST JESUS HAS SET YOU FREE FROM THE LAW OF SIN AND OF DEATH...............................................................................

FOR YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED A SPIRIT OF SLAVERY LEADING TO FEAR AGAIN, BUT YOU HAVE RECEIVED A SPIRIT OF ADOPTION AS SONS BY WHICH WE CRY OUT, 'ABBA! FATHER!' THE SPIRIT HIMSELF TESTIFIES WITH OUR SPIRIT THAT WE ARE CHILDREN OF GOD...................................................................................................................

IN THE SAME WAY THE SPIRIT ALSO HELPS OUR WEAKNESS; FOR WE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PRAY AS WE SHOULD, BUT THE SPIRIT HIMSELF INTERCEDES FOR US WITH GROANINGS TOO DEEP FOR WORDS; AND HE WHO SEARCHES THE HEARTS KNOWS WHAT THE MIND OF THE SPIRIT IS, BECAUSE HE INTERCEDES FOR THE SAINTS ACCORDING TO THE WILL OF GOD."

*ROMANS 8:1-2, 15-16, & 26-27*

MOTHERING A SON.

IF SOMEONE WOULD'VE TOLD ME TEN YEARS AGO THAT I'D HAVE A SON, I'D LAUGH AS LOUD AS I COULD IN DISBELIEF. I GREW UP WITH A SISTER (EIGHT YEARS MY SENIOR) AND KNEW NOTHING ABOUT BOYS. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THEM? HOW DO YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM? WHAT CAN I OFFER A LITTLE BABY BOY? AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I STILL WONDER SOMETIMES. BECAUSE HONESTLY, I HAVE LEARNED MORE ABOUT GOD IN THE PAST THREE YEARS THAN I THINK I EVER HAVE. THIS LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY TEACHES ME MORE EVERYDAY THAN I EVER COULD HAVE DREAMED OF LEARNING. WHEN I'M TRYING TO "TEACH" HIM, IT OFTEN HAPPENS THE OTHER WAY AROUND. THE SECOND I TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST WITH HIM, I KNEW I WAS HAVING A BOY. AS DARRYL WAS OVERFLOWING WITH EXCITEMENT AT THE FACT THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE A FATHER, I TOLD HIM, "IT'S A BOY"...AND HE THEN MENTIONED THAT I COULDN'T KNOW, YOU DON'T FIND OUT UNTIL SEVERAL MONTHS ALONG.....AND I SAID, "NO, GOD HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR....I DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA ABOUT RAISING BOYS, AND I KNOW IT'LL BE A BOY....SO START THINKING OF NAMES". PRAISE THE LORD FOR LITTLE BOYS. OF COURSE I'D LOVE TO HAVE DAUGHTERS, BUT IF GOD CHOOSES TO JUST GIVE ME ONLY BOYS, I'LL LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT. :)

I ALSO REMEMBER SAYING TO MY HUSBAND, "WELL, I'M OFF THE HOOK!". I WAS SEVERAL MONTHS PREGNANT, AND I JUST FELT RELIEVED THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE STRESS OF RAISING A DAUGHTER, OF WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER I'M TEACHING HER THE RIGHT THINGS OR NOT. MY HUSBAND ASKED WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. I REPLIED, "WELL, IT'S NOT A GIRL, SO ALL THE PRESSURE'S ON YOU!! HE'LL LEARN HOW TO BE A MAN FROM YOU, SO IT'S NOT GOING TO BE SO BURDENSOME ON ME". HOW SILLY OF ME TO THINK THAT, FOR EVEN A SECOND!!! HE QUICKLY RESPONDED, "YOU'RE NOT OFF THE HOOK AT ALL. OUR LITTLE BOY WILL NEED YOU TO MOTHER HIM, AND HE WILL NEED YOU TO LOOK AT TO KNOW WHAT A GOOD WIFE AND MOTHER ARE SUPPOSED TO BE". SUDDENLY, ALL THE PRESSURE CAME RIGHT BACK ON MY SHOULDERS. THANK GOD FOR HIS GRACE, AND FOR THE FACT THAT OUR BABIES ALL TURN OUT FINE, OFTENTIMES IN SPITE OF THEIR MOTHERS AND FATHERS!! :)

MY BABYDADDY.

I WANT TO SHARE A SECRET WITH YOU.

***I HAVE SUCH A HUGE CRUSH ON MY HUSBAND.***

THERE, IT'S NO SECRET NOW. HE'S JUST SO HANDSOME, AND SO DARN CUTE. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN. HE STILL MAKES ME FEEL ALL "TINGLY" ON THE INSIDE WHEN HE GRABS MY HAND TO HOLD IT, OR HUGS ME. AND MY GOODNESS, WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A FATHER.......HE'S AMAZING. I AM SO HONORED TO CALL THIS MAN MY HUSBAND....AND MY BABYDADDY. AND, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, I LIKE USING THE WORD "BABYDADDY".