"FOR HE WILL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE CONCERNING YOU, TO GUARD YOU IN ALL YOUR WAYS." -PSALM 91:11-



HE WROTE A NOTE JUST FOR YOU TODAY,
YOUR GRANDSON WHO IS JUST FOUR.
HE DOESN’T QUITE UNDERSTAND THAT
HE’LL NEVER GET TO SEE YOU ANYMORE.

SOME DAYS ARE HARDER THAN OTHERS,
TODAY IS ONE THAT’S BEEN BLUE.
ACTUALLY, IT’S BEEN A GOOD YEAR,
MOMMA, I CAN’T STAND LIFE WITHOUT YOU.

THERE’S SO MUCH GOOD HERE, I KNOW.
BUT IT WAS BETTER WHEN YOU WERE HERE.
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE HERE WRITING
THESE WORDS, THAT YOU’D NO LONGER BE NEAR.

BUT I GUESS YOU’RE NEARER THAN I KNOW,
IN WAYS I SIMPLY CAN’T UNDERSTAND NOW.
I KNOW LIFE WILL KEEP MOVING ALONG,
BUT SOME DAYS I HAVE TO WONDER HOW.

I MISS THAT I CAN’T CALL YOU EVERYTIME
AND SHARE WITH YOU ALL THAT’S HAPPY,
I MISS THAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU CALM ME
WHEN LIFE BRINGS MORE TRAGEDY.

I MISS BEING ABLE TO HEAR YOU LAUGH
WHEN YOUR GRANDSON DOES THE CUTEST THINGS…
IT’S MOMENTS LIKE THIS WHEN I HAVE TO TRUST
THAT I’M BEING SHELTERED BY ANGEL’S WINGS.

AT TIMES IT SEEMS SO LONELY,
LIKE NOBODY’S THERE TO LISTEN TO ME.
I HAVE TO KEEP ON GOING, TRUSTING,
AND REMEMBER HE HAS NOT LEFT ME.

I WONDER HOW I’LL GET THROUGH ALL
THE MILESTONES IN THE YEARS AHEAD,
YOU’RE STILL ALWAYS THE ONE I WANT TO CALL,
BUT I’LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR ANOTHER INSTEAD.

IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T HAVE ANYONE ELSE,
GOT A GREAT HUSBAND, CHILD, FATHER AND SIS.
BUT LATELY YOU’RE ALL I’VE WANTED TO
SEE, GOD HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.

GOD HELP ME ON DAYS WHEN I’M LONELY.
GOD HELP ME WHEN ANGER COMES BACK.
GOD HELP ME WHEN I ASK THE SAME QUESTIONS AGAIN,
GOD PLEASE COME AND PICK UP THE SLACK.

GOD COMFORT ME, BECAUSE I CAN’T DO IT.
SOMETIMES WEEPING IS ALL I CAN DO.
GOD TELL MY MOMMA I MISS HER SO MUCH,
AND THAT I SAID, “I LOVE YOU.”

GOD HELP OTHERS WHO FEEL THIS PAIN,
WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND US WHO ARE HEAVY WITH GRIEF.
PLEASE WHISPER HOPE INTO OUR EARS AND HEARTS,
AND PLEASE SEND US YOUR SWEET RELIEF.

HELP US TO KNOW THE LONELINESS HERE
WILL VANISH ONE BEAUTIFUL DAY.
HELP US TO KNOW YOU KNOW HOW WE FEEL,
IN EACH AND EVERY WAY.

HELP US TO KEEP GOING, AS WE REMEMBER
THE LOVED ONES THAT WE MISS.
HELP US KEEP ENJOYING THE LIFE WE HAVE HERE,
AND REMEMBER IT WON’T ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS.


J.N.S. March 7, 2009

TODAY, LORD, I DON’T FEEL SO GOOD.
PRETTY SEEMS SO FAR AWAY…
I DON’T SEE ANYTHING I LIKE,
NOT ONE THING, AT LEAST NOT FOR TODAY.

“MY CHILD, BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND,
YOU DON’T SEE WHAT I SEE IN YOU…
NOT ONLY DO I SEE GOOD ON WHAT’S INSIDE,
I THINK YOU’RE PRETTY ON THE OUTSIDE, TOO.”

BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, GOD,
I DON’T LIKE MY HAIR. NOR DO I LIKE MY FACE.
MY BODY’S HORRENDOUS TO LOOK AT TO ME,
MY LOOKS ARE NOTHING I’LL EVER EMBRACE.

“BUT SWEET DAUGHTER, HAVEN’T YOU LEARNED YET?
THOSE THINGS SIMPLY AREN’T TRUE.
AND STILL, LIKE I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE,
I SEE SO MUCH BEAUTY IN YOU.”

I NEED TO LOSE A BAJILLION POUNDS,
I NEED MORE MAKEUP, AND LIPO, A NEW ‘DO.
I SIMPLY DON’T SEE ANYTHING GOOD AT ALL
WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF, HOW DO YOU?

“YOU’RE MY CHILD, I SEE NOTHING BUT GOOD,
AND THE TRUTH IS SEEN THROUGH MY EYES.
JUST REMEMBER YOUR IDENTITY IS IN ME,
AND STOP BELIEVING ALL THOSE LIES!”

MY HUSBAND CONSTANTLY TELLS ME I’M PRETTY,
THAT NOBODY IS FAIRER THAN I….
FOR YEARS HE’S SAID THIS, BUT I STILL DON’T BELIEVE
HIM, PART OF ME THINKS IT’S A LIE.

I LOOK AROUND ME AND SEE SO MANY
WHO HAVE BODIES THAT I’D GIVE ANYTHING FOR.
I NEVER THINK I’LL BE MUCH TO LOOK AT,
THAT’S SOMETHING I KNOW TO BE SURE.

“MAKE A DECISION, MY SWEET LITTLE GIRL…
WILL YOU TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT I SAY?
I LOOK AT YOU AND SEE IMMENSE BEAUTY,
PLEASE TRY TO BELIEVE ME TODAY.”

J.N.S. March 4, 2009

I’D BEEN LOOKING AT THIS DOOR
BUT IT SEEMED TOO FAR AWAY.
I KNEW I COULD REACH IT,
BUT JUST NOT THAT DAY.

THE DOOR WAS BEAUTIFUL TO ME,
HOW I LONGED TO JUST PEEK THROUGH,
BUT LIFE KEPT HAPPENING, SO MUCH PAIN,
AND I FELT I HAD NOTHING TO CLING TO.

A LITTLE BIT OF FAILURE,
AN AWFUL LOT OF DOUBT,
A HANDFUL OF ABANDOMENT,
SO MUCH OF THIS WAS HARD TO FIGURE OUT.

I’VE GIVEN MY HEART AWAY SO MUCH
TO PEOPLE I THOUGHT WOULD EMBRACE IT,
BUT NOW I WISH I COULD GO WAY BACK
IN TIME TO JUST ERASE IT.

YET ALL THE WHILE, THIS DOOR STOOD THERE-
IN THE MIDDLE OF MY HOME,
AND I JUST KEPT ON WALKING BY
AND FEELING ALL ALONE.

I’VE SEEN MORE DEATH THAN I CAN TAKE,
I’VE SEEN TOO MANY PEOPLE HURTING,
AND ALL THE WHILE INSIDE I’M FEELING
NOTHING BUT EXTREME YEARNING.

YOU’VE SAID I NEED TO BRING IT ALL
TO YOU, BECAUSE I CAN’T HANDLE IT ALONE,
SO I DO, BUT I KEEP ON COMING BACK
BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE SOMETIMES YOU’RE GONE.

AND THE DOOR IS STILL THERE AS
PRETTY AS BEFORE,
HOW I WISH I WOULD JUST REACH OUT
AND OPEN THAT GLORIOUS DOOR.

SO DAYS KEEP PASSING ALL THE WHILE,
AND NOW THEY’RE TURNING INTO YEARS…
ARE YOU STILL HERE FOR ME,
ARE YOU STILL SAVING ALL MY TEARS?

I DECIDED TODAY I WANT TO OPEN THAT DOOR,
THE ONE THAT IS BURSTING WITH HOPE INSIDE,
THE ONE THAT WILL KEEP ME HANGING ON
IN THIS LIFE, THE ONE FROM WHICH I CAN’T HIDE.

AND THOUGH LIFE WILL KEEP MOVING ALONG,
THOUGH THE BAD WILL STILL CREEP THROUGH,
I WILL ENTER THROUGH THIS DOOR OF HOPE,
THE ONE THAT LEADS ME STRAIGHT TO YOU.

J.N.S. March 1, 2009