Restoration.

Since The Deep Sadness, our family has been visited by tragedy upon tragedy. Even though God could have changed things but didn't, we are left here handling the grief. Yet I have still been comforted by knowing that he has been here with us all along. Even though we have felt His absence...we have also felt His presence.

Living through losing her, in the terrible way it all happened, I have written how it brought me to see the sorrowful side of God. The past few years, He has so chosen to continue to show that same side of Himself. My thoughts and ideas on God have been challenged, changed, shattered, mangled, stretched, and strengthened. There is a place a daughter gets to when she loses her Mother at a young age. I never expected it. But yet, here I am. If God can so choose to cause such deep, great, life-changing loss in our lives.....if He is THAT powerful, then He can be powerful enough to bring comfort, and hope. He can carry this lifelong grief with us. He can even so choose to give us many new, wonderful blessings. Losing her has left a huge gap in my soul that can never be filled until we meet again. However, though it has opened up my eyes to see how great and awful life can be, and it has affirmed my deepest fears....it somehow has reminded me that if He is THAT big....He can cause just as many great and wonderful things, as well.

This emptiness in my soul has given me wings to take flight. Because I know wherever I go, she is with me.

I have a tiny piece of faith, tattered and torn.....I have an even tinier shred of hope that has somehow remained, amidst all this pain. I believe it has been kept safe for these moments in my life. Instead of asking God, "Will you?"....I am now saying, "I know you will!!!". Because I can't ignore the part of Him that has kept me sane and alive. I have to believe, for my sake, my family's sake, my friend's sake, and even His...that He is about to pick up the broken pieces He has shattered...and piece together new and beautiful pictures of restoration.

I have always said to ignore deep grief is to ignore Him. "For if He causes grief, then he will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness." Lamentations 3:32

These words have been stuck in my head for days...

"He'd begun to wake up in the morning with something besides dread in his heart. Not happiness exactly, not eagerness for the new day, but a kind of urge to be eager, a longing to be happy." ~Jon Hassler~

"Do you dare? Why not? Think of your loved one as blessing your effort, smiling through the veil that separates life from death, cheering you on---'Go ahead. Give it a try. I dare you. You know I'd love to have you succeed. And you may. This is the time!'..." ~Martha Whitmore Hickman~

"'Why not' is a slogan for an interesting life." ~Mason Cooley~

*"You who have shown me many troubles and distresses will revive me again, and will bring me up again from the depths of the earth." Psalm 71:20