I John 3:18

All original content copyright Jessica Nicole Schafer, 2007-2016.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

A BIT PERSONAL.

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE ONLY TWENTY-SEVEN WHEN I LOST MY MOMMA.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO PICK OUT SOMETHING TO WEAR TO HER FUNERAL AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GO THROUGH THE TORTURE OF WHAT DECEMBER ENTAILED.
I NEVER THOUGHT MY MOMMA WOULDN’T BE HERE WITH ME AT THE BIRTHS OF ALL MY CHILDREN.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO HEAR MY LITTLE SWEET BABY ASK ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN, “WHERE IS NANA, CAN I SEE HER? I REALLY LOVE HER. WHERE IS SHE?”.
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D HAVE TO PUT A PICTURE OF MY MOMMA IN MY SON’S ROOM AS A CHEAP SUBSTITUTE FOR HER.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE THIS LONELY.

WHEN I HEAR SOMEONE SAY, “IF IT DOESN’T KILL YOU, IT JUST MAKES YOU STRONGER”…..I KNOW NOW HOW ERRONEOUS THAT STATEMENT IS. WHEN YOU FOLLOW CHRIST, LIFE WILL INEVITABLY MAKE YOU WEAKER. AT OUR WEAKEST, HE IS STRONGEST. WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE LIFE AROUND YOU, AND COME TO PLACES WHERE YOU CAN DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING…..YET HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN…THAT’S WHEN YOU WILL SEE HOW ABSOLUTELY NEEDY YOU ARE. WE COME TO HIM NEEDY. IT IS THEN THAT WE WILL KNOW WE ARE NOTHING WITHOUT HIM.

THIS IS SO PERSONAL, I KNOW. WHY DID I WRITE IT ON MY BLOG? I’M NOT SURE. I GUESS I WANT YOU, WHOEVER READS, TO KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE. THERE ARE OTHERS WHO GRIEVE. IT IS REAL. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. AND IT IS A NEVERENDING PROCESS.

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

I am so, so sorry friend. I don't have anything to tell you to make it better. Nothing will. I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU. a whole bunch!!

My Life With Boys said...

I lost my father at the age of 14. It was hard. One of the toughest times of my life...I know your pain. Praying for you...