SO ABOUT THREE HOURS AGO I WAS JUST EXHAUSTED. IN LIGHT OF THE PAST YEAR'S EVENTS, WITH THE PAST WEEK PILED ON, MY SON'S ALLERGIES OR A COLD BUGGING HIM, GETTING READY TO LOAD UP ON THE ROAD IN THE MORNING.......I STARTED REALLY MISSING MY MOMMA SOOOOOOOOO MUCH. BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO FOCUS ON THAT, AS THERE IS MUCH ON MY HUSBAND'S PLATE RIGHT NOW. SO I WALKED OVER TO MY HUSBAND WHO IS, WELL, IN A WORD WEARY. I PUT MY ARMS AROUND HIM, SMILED REALLY BIG AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING......WITH HOW STINKY THINGS HAVE BEEN, LIFE CAN ONLY GET BETTER, RIGHT? I MEAN IT HAS TO GET BETTER.....AND EVEN IF IT DOES GET WORSE SOMEHOW, THEN IT STILL HAS TO GET BETTER AFTER THAT!".......
A SHORT TIME AFTER THAT, MY HUSBAND COMES IN FROM LOADING THE VAN AND MANAGES TO SQUEEZE OUT OF HIS FRUSTRATED LIPS, "I HAVE TO TAKE THE BATTERY AND GET IT CHECKED. THE VAN WON'T START. IT'S EITHER THE BATTERY OR SOMETHING WORSE....PRAY IT'S NOT THE 'SOMETHING WORSE'." SERIOUSLY? GOD, SERIOUSLY, WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?!!?!?!?!?
ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS THOSE SITCOMS WHERE THINGS ARE JUST SO RIDICULOUSLY BAD FOR SOMEONE THAT ALL YOU CAN DO IS LAUGH BECAUSE IT'S REALLY NEVER THAT BAD ALL AT ONCE IN A PERSON'S LIFE......HAHA. YEAH, RIGHT. WE'RE IN THAT SITCOM RIGHT NOW.
IT WAS THE BATTERY, THANK GOD. IT WASN'T "SOMETHING WORSE". THANK YOU LORD. EDIT: WHEN HE WENT TO DOUBLE CHECK EVERYTHING ON THE VAN, HE PULLED UP AND WAS NOTIFIED BY THE MEN WHO WORKED THERE THAT WE HAD A HEADLIGHT OUT. SERIOUSLY??!?!?!?!
AN HOUR AFTER THAT MY SON WOKE UP FROM A MUCH NEEDED NAP, HE WAS IN ONE OF THOSE, "I'M SO SICK, HUNGRY, HOMESICK, TIRED, AND EXHAUSTED, SO ALL I'M GOING TO DO IS THROW A FIT BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO" KIND OF MOODS. AS I PICKED HIM UP WHILE HE WAS JUST FLAILING ABOUT, CRYING AND WHINING, I WHISPERED IN HIS EAR, "IT'S ALRIGHT, MOMMA'S HERE. EVERYTHING'S OKAY BECAUSE MOMMA'S HERE".....AND I LET HIM JUST THROW A FIT WHILE I HELD HIM IN MY ARMS. AND AS I WAS LIVING THROUGH THIS MOMENT, I REMEMBERED THAT'S WHAT OUR LORD DOES WITH US. I WANT TO DO THE SAME THING MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD WAS DOING, I WANT TO JUST LOSE IT AND CRY AND SCREAM AND PITCH THE BIGGEST FIT I CAN THROW ALL AT ONCE.......BECAUSE I KNOW WHEN I DO, GOD WILL WHISPER THE SAME THING, "IT'S OKAY, I'M HERE....EVERYTHING'S OKAY BECAUSE I'M HERE."
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
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9 comments:
you almost just made me cry in systematic theology class. ridiculous. im gonna throw bible verses at you:
1 Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
3 I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God....
I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.
30 I will praise God's name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.
31 This will please the LORD more than an ox,
more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.
32 The poor will see and be glad—
you who seek God, may your hearts live!
33 The LORD hears the needy
and does not despise his captive people. [psalm 69]
yeah...so theres that. I think its healthy to feel this way. to feel exhausted, and i feel exhausted with you. I dont know how, but i want to help carry your burdens.
(also i read the book "wicked" i think you might like it, although its a little rough compared to the movie)
Thank you so much for this post. I'm going through a "tantrum time" right now and it's so easy forget that He's there. My husband and I were talking last night and I said "You know, with all the rough times we've had and are having, it has to get better eventually."
Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning.
I am soooo with there right now. Seems I have been for 4 months. Hence,lack of emails. But, I am keeping tabs on you and praying. Love you.
Just wanted you to know that deleted comment was from me. Duplicate of the first, stupid computer. :)
AGH! DID IT AGAIN!! That's it, I'm getting off this thing right now! Love you.
What a special gift your son has in having a mom who is relying on the Lord for her strength and also for her example to him of God's love for us. I will be praying for the joy promised and until then, hang on tight to the one who will never let go.
Always,
Holli
ps. I found your blog from another, thanks for sharing.
I just love you.
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