What bliss there is in not dealing with reality.

My wonderful little babyboy had such a wonderful relationship with his Nana. Nobody, to this day, could make him light up like she did. He had just turned three when The Deep Sadness happened. So, of course, he hasn't been able to understand yet what is going on. He still wants to call her, he still prays for her everyday, he still says "I miss Nana" on a daily basis. Soon he'll inevitably learn reality. For now, he's able to fly through these tender years of his life, not having to carry the grief that has fallen on the rest of us.

What a wonderful thing. There are many days that I wish I could just "turn it off". That I could just pretend nothing happened, that My Momma is still here. That I could just shove all the grief, sorrow, and mourning into a neat little box and tuck it away. That I could just consume myself with the busy-ness of life and never have to deal with what has been handed to me. I could. I've wanted to many times. Many people do this, and for a time....it may work. But one day, we have to live through what it is that God has placed us in. It may be today....it may be twenty years from today. But we will.

Two of my greatest faults in any kind of relationship I have are being too trusting and being too transparent. I give my heart away so freely....and many times, I end up getting hurt. I have learned throughout life that I have to guard myself. I have had to apologize to myself for that. But being too trusting and transparent with My Lord, I WILL NEVER apologize for. It's how I am. It's how He made me. I have been face to face with sorrows beyond belief many times over the past three years....the main one being losing My Momma. And ignoring the realities around me would definitely have put me in an awful place by now. I thank God for listening to me. I thank Him for listening to me complain, cry, mourn.....and for allowing me to actually worship Him through my complaint!! WHAT?!?!? Yes, I said it. From what I read in scripture, Old and New Testament, beginning to end.......I have NO IDEA why people think it's just an abomination to complain to our Lord. Read the Psalms. Read the Old Testament. Read the New Testament. Look at Jesus' life!!!

I find comfort in knowing I can offer my hopes, my dreams, my mourning, my complaining, my sorrows, my joys......everything to My Lord. I believe He finds it good. He made me, He knows me. Why hide?

There is still this mindset within the church of America that "well, if you just work hard enough........or.........if you just think good thoughts.......or say good things........good will happen". Don't buy into it. First of all, it's not even Biblical. (HELLO.....look at Jesus' very own life!) Second of all, what many American Christians live for nowadays, what we see as "Gawd-s hand blessin' us"....Christians in other countries will never see. Some even here will never see them. Those things, whatever they may be, are not our hope. Sorrows will probably happen. Death is a promise in this life. (Though the next one, it can't touch us!! AMEN??!?!) I refuse to ignore the realities that are around me. I will continue to love My Lord, to serve Him as best as I know how, to follow Him, to try and learn from Him everyday.......even if sorrow continues to abound. HE ALONE is my hope. Nothing here, no job, no thing, no person, no house, no idea, nothing else lasts.......HE ALONE is my HOPE. I will never try to find a cheap substitute that makes me "feel" better for a moment. Hallelujah, He is Hope.


"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."
-II Corinthians 1:3-5-