Grieve Freely.

Over the past two and a half years, I've written so much about grief. Quite honestly, in the beginning, it was the only safe place for me-aside from only a few dear people in my life. They know who they are. I've written before on the GREAT need for us to learn to comfort others....and I am a firm believer that we have to face our own issues, embrace our own hurts, or we will end up squelching ourselves, AND others if we refuse to do so. That has been a big part of my experience. I've heard it all. I've been belittled for expressing my grief. I've been told to "get over it". I've been told it's not that "big of a deal". I've been told to "put a smile on my face and move on". I've been told that maybe if I change my perspective,it wouldn't be so hard. I've heard loved ones being told things things just as hurtful, as well. As you sit there reading, I'm almost positive your hurts have been squelched before, and I apologize for that. There is R O O M for grace. Those hurtful, heartless, selfish things we've all heard before by people who DO know better, they are forgiven. I choose to extend the same grace everyday that is extended to myself by Him. How could I not? He freely gives it....even to those who we think don't "deserve" it. So that same grace is given even to those who have scarred my already broken heart.

However.......

I think often in life, some evils need to be called out before they will ever be acknowledged and then changed. This is how I feel about our lack to grieve for ourselves and one another. I will never stop writing, talking, crying about my own grief.

My Momma is dead.

She is gone.

She should still be here.

There is no explanation for this.

There is no quick-fix band-aid answer that will explain it all away. I cannot enroll in a twelve step program, because I don't have an addiction. This happened to our family. It is a burden placed on us, and I will forever grapple with the effects, as will my Daddy, sister, and all my Momma's family and friends who miss her. So though I have spent many months feeling guilty for simply grieving, those days are gone. I will give full vent to what has been placed in my life. To ignore it would be to ignore God, to ignore the reality He, Himself has placed us in.

I will write, feel, grieve, hurt, love, heal.....for myself, for my family and friends, for other motherless daughters, for any hurting hearts out there who feel alone. Those precious people are the reason I do this.

Maybe you are one of those who has experienced the brutal, dark, calloused remarks of others......maybe you have been one to give those remarks. Sweet child of the Most High....He never intended us to live as robots. He gave us this life, and often it is full of hurt.....His OWN life was full of heartache. Don't ever fool yourself into believing that turning off your emotions is trusting Him more.......when we do that, we lie to ourselves, others, and Him.

For over two and a half years, I have tried to put into words the way I've been made to feel.......and I finally realized it days ago. The picture below came to mind. It is hard to look at, it was even harder to draw. It has been my reality. Let me also mention, this picture is for you.....I hope you see the great fallacy in it, the hurt in it, the hatred in it......so you can move on, and freely grieve, as I have. I guess this is my way of giving you "permission" to grieve freely.

For I truly believe we are MOST like Him when we are MOST HUMAN.......embracing humanity is embracing Him.

You are loved, you who are hurting and grieving for whatever reason.....you are not alone. I will use my days to honour you, to lift you up, and I will not be ashamed of grief any longer.....I hope the same for you.