Thankful.

Grief.

I have written so much about it since December of 2007. To you, that may seem so long ago. Almost two years. So much has happened since then. My lil' baby was only three years old. The future looked so bright to me then. It seems so far away because the time since then has been so hard without her, yet at times it seems so close, because I remember her so well. I remember having just let go of the burden of worrying about My Momma. For those of you who don't know, she had dealt with cancer, and recovered fully from having a kidney removed a couple of years before. I had worried so much about that coming back, and just a couple months before that December, she had another surgery that ended successfully. I had finally, FINALLY gotten to a point that I literally told God, "Thank you. I feel like I don't have to worry about her anymore. Thank you for taking care of her. Thank you for keeping her here and healthy." That was actually my prayer at around 7:50 that evening, just as I rocked Dylan to sleep.

Minutes later was when we got the phone call.

Trust me, there have been moments that I was so ANGRY at God. There still are. There are so many questions. Why her? Why now? Why couldn't my son, who loved her more than any child I've ever seen with his Grandmother, get to know her for many years to come? Why won't she be able to be here when we have the rest of our children? WHY?.......

She ended up giving her final breath on the day of one of my best friend's birthdays. In the middle of December, right in the midst of the Christmas season.

Darkness has hung around my family many moons since then. I cringe thinking of my Daddy being here without her. They had been together since they were about fifteen years old. I think of my sister.....dealing with this as My Momma and Daddy's firstborn. I think of her grandchildren who adored her. I think of my husband, who was very close to her.

I'm no expert on grief, not by a long shot. I have learned that we DO need to grieve. I have learned that we can't pretend it doesn't exist. I have learned to be there for others in their grief, and NOT tell them to "get over it". I have learned to remember her life. I have learned that grief hurts. I have learned that when one doesn't deal with grief, it makes them bitter and angry, and often full of hate. I have learned that our Heavenly Father grieves alongside us. I have learned that grief NEVER goes away. It is carried, forever. I have learned that My Momma is grieved for not only by my Daddy, Sister, myself, but all of our family, and many, many more family members and friends. I have learned that the grief is SO BIG because the love shared was, and is, SO BIG.

This Thanksgiving season I am giving thanks for something a bit odd.
I am thanking GOD for GRIEF.
It hurts, it hurts to the core of my being. There are days that I remember everything all over again. There are days when Dylan is asking constantly, "When can I see my Nana?!!". There are nights when I just cry for no reason other than the fact that I can't call her on the phone. Because I need her, I need My Momma. I'm not even thirty years old yet. I have a five year old. I need HER. There are days when my husband wants to fix everything, but all he can do is hold me and say nothing. There are days I want to just scream because I still can't understand the reality of death. Death is not what we were meant for.....I think we Christians forget that sometimes. We try to mask our grief by calling it a beautiful thing. It's beautiful in God's eyes, yes...the death of His saints. THEY are reunited. BUT.....it's not pretty on our side. We were NOT meant to die. It's not supposed to be a beautiful thing to see our loved ones die. It is beautiful for THEM.....but it's not supposed to be this happy event on our part. It will be fixed one day...But that's a whole other subject, for another time.

I am thanking God for grief this year, and I will continue to do so. Because you see, in those dark moments of despair, in the deep grieving of my soul, I remember My Momma. I remember WHY I am hurting. I remember why there's a big emptiness in our family year round. I remember why there are odd silences when her name is mentioned. I remember why there's even more of an aching during birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. It's because I love her. She was and is loved by our family. It's because life is THAT GOOD. Life was that GOOD with her here. Her laugh. Her smile. Her telling me, "Everything will be alright". God was in those moments. God is in the business of giving life. And GOD IS IN THE GRIEF.
And even in my grief, I thank Him. Because without the grief to remember every moment I had with her, I'd forget.
And I don't want to forget her.
I want to remember.

Grief is what I'm thankful for this year.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for the grief.

Life.

I was doing the dishes as I heard a blood-curdling scream coming from my little boy. I was wondering what in the world could have happened, I had just walked out of the room to do the dishes while he was viewing a movie about an adorable little puppy. What could have happened in five seconds?!?!?!? I turned the water off, and darted around the corner to him, only to find him standing up and screaming and crying as if someone was yanking his arm off. I asked as quickly as I could....."Baby, what is it!?!? Tell me, what is wrong......what's wrong, take a breath.....". He was heartbroken. He finally cried out, "They hurt him! Those bad guys hurt the puppy's little friend. Momma, they hurt him!". His new favorite T.V. pup had made a puppy friend.....and in the movie, some burglars hurt the little pooch.

So we sat down and I held him as he cried and tried to make sense of what just happened. He just kept saying, "Momma, I'm okay, I'm not crying.....I'm okay. I'm not sad and I'm not crying...". He was saying all this through his tears. It was as if he was ashamed of feeling his own feelings. We had a very long talk. I was trying hard not to cry, myself! We talked about how it was just a movie. But I also told him that whenever he is happy, Mommy and Daddy are happy with him. Just as when he is sad, Mommy and Daddy are sad along with him. We talked about God feeling things with him, too. I told him that God has given him a gift, he has a very caring heart, and he sees the GREAT importance of life. He also sees the importance of feeling for others as they hurt.....

A few minutes later as I was holding him, he said, "Mommy, I was lying to you when I said I wasn't sad. I was very sad, I'm sorry for lying."

I wanted to get the point across to this tiny little human that God made us to live in community. He made us to celebrate with one another. He made us to grieve with one another. He made us to go through the mundane with one another. He made us to feel with one another. He made us to feel FOR one another. I didn't want to see a day when my son didn't care so much for another living being that it hurt him to see life being taken away. I want him to know that what he feels, God feels, too.

(When I use the phrase "life being taken away"....I am talking more than murder. I'm speaking of the life sucked away from poverty....or from doing nothing about it. I'm talking about the life stripped away from an individual due to harsh and hateful words. I'm talking about the life taken away when people objectify one another. I'm talking about the life stripped away when The Body doesn't step up and do Her job to those in need....whatever that need may be.)

Don't undermine the pain someone you know is going through. I could write for days on the hurtful words I've heard from God's own children regarding the grief I've endured through losing my Momma. But I won't. That's not about this. I want to talk about the other side of humanity.

I want to remind you that there are people who care. There are little Dylan's who grew up and still care about the power of life. There are people like my husband who love everyone they comes across in a self-sacrificial way, even those who treat them disgustingly. There are people like Hilarie who care deeply and stand by their best friend through the storms that come her way. There are Krystles who end up going to the doctor because they have sympathy pains for their grieving best friend so badly that they manifest into physical symptoms. There are Kelis that come visit and constantly pray and do random favors for her dear friend. There are people like my sister and her husband who do MANY things for their loved ones that go unnoticed by many. There are Jils who send their close friend a bragbook filled with precious memories from the years past. There are Elizabeths who are constantly thinking of her friend when she has grief of her own to carry. There are friends who come along and pick up the pieces of a family that was hurt beyond belief by God's people. There are friends that stick closer than a brother. They are still here. I promise you that.

The next time you see someone hurting, DO NOT close your door and pretend they aren't hurting. That absolutely WILL NOT make the hurt leave. Do something. If we're teaching our children to "Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.".....are we doing the same thing?

I'm thanking God tonight for those that love Him enough to follow Him, to serve Him and His children.....even when it's hard and uncomfortable.....and requires them to think of someone else before themselves.

"Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."
-I John 3:18-

Comfort and Hope.

Where laughter is heard in abundance
And love is given by all around-
Where hate has been defeated,
buried deep into the ground.

In a place where leaves don't fall
And the flowers never fade,
In a place where hunger is no more-
And there's comfort in the shade.

Where pain is non-existent
And every soul has been set free.
Where joy and singing fills the air-
That's where I want to be.

My heart cries out for healing,
My soul cries for deliverance and security.
I'm hoping against hope that
Life will show us a sweet release.

The poverty that's on each doorstep
Has been carried away by love...
And the tears we've shed have been answered for
Nothing but sunshine from above.

There's no need for a springtime,
For winter and death won't ever set in.
There's love and acceptance, not hate and exclusion,
For His church learned how to love again.

There is no room for darkness,
Death is beaten by His empty grave.
Loved ones are all gathered 'round,
That's where I want to stay.

J.N.S. October 18, 2009


"Help me, O LORD my God; save me according to Your lovingkindness. And let them know that this is Your hand; You, LORD, have done it." *Psalm 109:26-27*

I admit that in my darkest hour, I doubt God. I cringe to even admit that. In just a handful of months, it’s amazing how life can mess with a person. I’m not talking about when we choose to live in sin, and things fall apart. (Though I, like I’m sure you are, am all too familiar with that…..but this is a different kind of falling apart.) I’m talking about the falling apart that happens around you, and you have absolutely no control over it. I’m talking about the falling apart that happens as a result of those claiming to follow Him. I’m also talking about death, which I think most of us have experienced. There has been a lot of change in our family lately, those of you close to us know all about it. I say that to say this. There are others grieving. There are others I love dearly, grieving for many reasons different than what I’m dealing with. I wrote this tonight on the heels of getting a text message from my husband yesterday. I really needed to hear this from him. Lately I have felt like evil around me has won. EVERYTHING around me tells me that. But I needed to remember that IS NOT the case. I needed to remember that even though things are so chaotic right now, GOD IS WITH US. I needed to remember that even though some things in our future seem so uncertain....that doesn't mean all hope is dead. And if you are going through something dark…..Remember. Thank you, my love, for reminding me of this. You inspired this poem. These are a few of the words Darryl wrote to me that started this very post……

“Things don’t need to stay like this…..We need to imagine the world that Jesus talked about and lived out constantly. And we need to believe that He is very much at the center of and entirely within that world of peace, love, care, justice, and compassion. He’s with us.” -My Love-



“I Remember”

I’m picking up the pieces now and
Trying to move on.
I’m living like You’re with me,
Even though it seems you’re gone.

I’m refusing to believe the hurt
That’s been handed to my heart.
I’m leaving behind this desert place…
Ready for a brand new start.

I’m not sure where You will take me
But I’m hoping to heal.
Though it seems you may be a fantasy,
I’m remembering that You’re real.

I will remember You through a broken heart,
I will remember you through the grief.
I will remember that You are my hope,
I will trust You for my relief.

I will remember You through the tears shed
I will remember You through the pain.
I will remember that though I lose all things,
I have Your Kingdom to gain.

I will choose to forgive the evil
Though it has ripped me to the core…
And even though there’s no apology,
I will forgive all the more.

I will remember You, though around me
Darkness seems to have won…
I will live as You said to live…
As though Your Kingdom has already come.

Jessica N. Schafer
September 28th, 2009

What good is love if it's
something we don't live?
What good is forgiveness if
It's something we don't give?

What good is abundance
If we will never share?
What good is honesty
If we're only putting on airs?

What good is integrity
If we hide our sin behind closed doors?
What good is compassion
If we don't give it anymore?

What good is friendship
If judgment and jealousy get in the way?
What good is encouragement
If it's something we never say?

What good is edification
When we're busy tearing others down?
What good is our faith
If we've buried it in the ground?

J.N.S. 08-26-09

"...but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people."
-I Thessalonians 5:15-

Uncovering. And Cheap Subsitutes.

I sat in my home the other night, after serving dinner to my family. Seated were my husband, my Daddy, my babylove, and myself. We sat there eating at the dinner table that sat in My Momma’s and Daddy’s home for years…..eating off of the dishes they’d had since the eighties, I’m sure. I love them, they’ve got sunflowers in the middle, and they make me smile….simply because they were hers. Then I walked into the living room and sat on the furniture that was also in my parents home for many years. It is a heartwarming feeling to know I have many of My Momma’s belongings. In a way, it makes me still feel a little “connected” to her. Honestly, looking at that kitchen table was a hard thing for me. It’s such a beautiful table and it has ceramic tiles on the top……I remember many meals at that table. But for almost a year and a half, I didn’t see it. I had it covered with a tablecloth, because it was just really hard for me to look at, I didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened. Then several months ago, the table was uncovered.



No particular reason, just one day I decided I wanted to look at it. So it’s here, uncovered. Maybe one day I’ll have enough nerve to let you know everything that happened. After all, life is made up of all of our stories, the good and the bad.



All these thoughts have been flooding my mind lately. In a world where grief is covered up, ignored, or minimalized…….I’ve learned many things about people. I’ve learned many things about myself. As wonderful a thing it is to have my Momma’s belongings, to be her daughter, to know the love shared between us, our whole family…….it is still NOT HER. I could “pretend” I’m okay…..that after a year and a half, I’ve “checked off the list” of what is required of those dealing with grief……I could tell you exactly what you want to hear….”I’m fine!! I’m happy, and life goes on.” BUT, that wouldn’t be the truth. That would be a cheap substitute. I could cling to all My Momma’s things…..hold them dearly…..but it’s not her. She and I will be reunited one day…..just as Christ and his Bride will be reunited. I will always speak of her, remember her, think of her, tell stories about her…..I think there is MUCH honour in that. The Body of Christ, the Church, is not only those living today…..it’s all those through history, and all those that are living, and all those that will be born…….there is honour in remembering our loved ones. There is truth in that. There is freedom in that.



We are never told to ignore reality. We are never told to “pretend” things are fine. We are never told to go through this life alone. We are never told to cover up what we’re going through. As a matter of fact, the Scriptures point us directly opposite of that. We’re never asked to ignore our pain and our hurts. We’re never asked to “Be strong, hold it together, and just smile!”. We’re told if we are going to choose to follow Jesus, to be LIKE him. He was compassionate. He mourned for those He loved. He mourned with those who mourned. He, Himself…JESUS….prayed to the Father. He kept company with those in need. He kept company with those whom nobody else wanted to keep company with. He loved…and loves. He, Himself said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) He wept. He is the God of comfort, of hope, of love. He hears the cries of the poor, needy, and oppressed. (Psalm 72:12-14) He is the God who wants us to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. (John 4:24) He is the God who keeps our very tears. (Psalm 56:8) But if we’re keeping parts of ourselves from Him…..and from others…..how will we truly be able to worship Him? If we NEVER see ourselves as needy. If we never cry out to Him. If we can make it through each day, each milestone, each moment, each joy, each tragedy, each triumph, each valley, each mountaintop without Him, and without ONE ANOTHER…..then what is this life for? How can we expect to be LIKE HIM when we never are even HONEST with Him, ourselves, or each other? How can we BE the Church when we’re divided, reclusive, unloving, and unwelcoming? How can we usher in the Kingdom of God when we won’t live through this life together, in community, and in love? How can we usher in His kingdom when we’re too busy building up our own? How can we share in this life with one another if we remain closed off from one another? I was telling a friend the other day that one of the most comforting things in the world is to have someone just there with you when you’re going through a hard time. Just to have someone there, not judging, not pointing a finger, not offering advice…..merely there as comfort….merely there to maybe cry with us……that is showing God’s love. I hope we’re not settling for any cheap substitutes. There is freedom in living in community, bearing with one another through whatever is happening around and within us. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)



What part of ourselves are we keeping from Him? What are we keeping from one another? He knows, yes. He always knows. He knows our very hearts. (Psalm 139:1-4, Acts 15:8) But just as we hope our children come to us with every need, just as we hope we can wrap our arms around them when they are hurt….whether it’s a small hurt or a big hurt…..and do we not LOVE to be their comfort? Do we not LOVE encouraging them, loving them? Do we not, ourselves, hurt WITH THEM? Why would we expect any less from Our Father in Heaven? Why would we deprive ourselves of our VERY NEED FOR HIM? Why would we deprive ourselves as living as we’re supposed to be living---in community? “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2) “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden…” (Matthew 11:28).…….He told us to come. That is all we NEED to do…..simply come. And before we can come, we need to recognize our great need for Him…everyday, in every moment. We NEED HIM, and we NEED ONE ANOTHER.

A choice.

I can’t get the following words that Jesus said out of my head lately, “..’You shall love the LORD your GOD with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ “ -Matthew 22:37-39



This is something I try daily to instill into my son. He’s four, granted, but there’s a lot one can teach a four-year-old….and there’s also a lot a four-year-old can teach us. Anyhow, I’ve been deeply disturbed lately. Because I’ve been trying to make sure my son “gets it”. You know, that he understands that over and over and over and over again in the Scriptures, we’re taught to love one another. We’re taught to love one another, regardless of what people look like, what income they have, how old they are, and whether they are family, friends, enemies, or strangers……we’re taught to love. Repeatedly, we’re taught to love. And Jesus even spoke of the importance of this. I guess I’m disturbed because it’s a pretty sobering thought to realize that I’m teaching my son to love EVERYBODY….and I know full well that the world he is a part of is FULL of so much hate. Hate, that is…not just in the “world”….but in the church as well.



I mean come on, let’s be honest. I’m sure as you read this you can think of several people who have NOT shown love to you, and I’m sure you can think of several people that you have NOT loved. We were created----every single person that has breath in their bodies-----were created in His image. What I’ve seen throughout my life, though, is that it gets pretty easy to look at an individual, or a group of individuals, and forget their humanity. It becomes easy for some people to forget that the person or people they are hating are HUMAN. And once you stop seeing any individual as a human, as someone’s son or daughter, as someone’s husband or wife, as someone’s brother or sister…..it’s easier to stop loving them. And especially when people hurt us, right? It’s VERY easy to loathe those who hurt us, or those who hurt our loved ones. And oh, how we can find any little excuse to hate……”But what they did was evil….they haven’t changed…..they’ve done this over and over again…..they never have apologized…….”. But we forget those words of His….”Love your enemies..”. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we are to be doormats and enable those we love to step all over us, because that is NOT love, when we constantly let others abuse us in anyway, that is a perversion of love…..that’s a whole other subject.)




And yes, I know I’m being very preachy……..with good reason. I have seen so much hate in the church, it’s pathetic. I have seen those who are called to walk in love instead walk in hate, and judge others constantly. I see it in those who are not part of the church. I used to see that in myself. I still see it almost everyday. Why is it so hard for humans to love one another?





Someone told me a story the other day about how her husband has experienced racism many times by others, and even lost his job, because he is Hispanic. In America. In the year 2009. Seriously? I have never been able to wrap my mind around treating a person differently because they look different than I do. It’s baffling. And it’s pretty pathetic. I know of a person who has been told the most hate-filled jokes regarding racism during Sunday School. In the HOUSE OF GOD. I have heard Christian people tell the most racial, vulgar jokes regarding our President's race in the last several months.......Why is it easy for us to hate one another? She hates him because he's not the "right" political party. He hates them because they're too "liberal". They hate those other guys because they're covered in ink head to toe. She hates her because she's jealous. He hates them because the lifestyle they live is just wrong. They hate the other guys because they're not in agreement about abortion, or gay rights, or healthcare.....And the hate goes on and on until a Doctor is shot. Or someone is attacked at a town hall meeting. Or someone's dignity is stripped away. Or a relationship is shattered. Or a war is started. Why is hate spread so much quicker than love?




We have a choice to make. Everyday, with how we treat one another. With the very words we use or don’t use with one another. With how we treat our spouses, our children, our friends, our enemies…..we have a choice. Pro-life means so much more than what many think. Pro-life means pro-HUMANITY. It means loving every person that draws breath into their lungs. It means loving those who disagree with us on every single issue. It means loving those who are VERY hard to love. It means loving those that Jesus gave his very life for.....which was everybody. We can bring about His Kingdom while walking in love for one another, or we can surely bring about Hell while walking in hate. What choice will we make?

"I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please - not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine. I don't want enough of him to make me love a foreigner or pick beets with a migrant worker. I want ecstasy, not transformation; I want the warmth of a womb, not a new birth. I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack. I'd like to buy $3 worth of God, please."

-Wilbur Rees-

STILL HONEYMOONING.

I realize I posted this picture at the end of last month. I really like it. Sue me. ;)

Marriage is a beautiful thing. I love being married. So much that I couldn't even begin to describe it to you if I tried. I'm not sure if there's a word to explain the "love" between my husband and myself. But I do know this; God is love. It all starts with Him. I know that my husband loves me so much because he is constantly showing me. LOVE IS A VERB. We see that in the Cross and the Resurrection. Love always puts the other's needs ahead of it's own. Love doesn't treat any human like an object. Love is wonderful.

When My Love and I were going through a class for engaged couples and newlyweds, we were all asked a question, "How long will your honeymoon be?"....I immediately said, "We'll always be on our honeymoon, it will never end!!" Admittedly, I'm a bit of a cheese, but I meant that. It is such an honour for me to be able to spend the life I've been given with my husband. And it's because he knows how to love me.......and only me. And YES, we're still on our honeymoon.

There are many people who do what's right when everyone's looking, and do what is completely wrong when they are alone--whether it be something with their actions, inactions, words, or even their own thoughts. Should we do what is right simply out of fear? Because we're afraid of what would happen if we got caught? Should we do what is right because someone has manipulated us into it? Should we do what is right because "Momma says so".....or is there more to it? I think about this so much as a Mother. I want Dylan to do what is right because he wants to, because that is what is in his heart. I want him to do what is right because he loves God, and he loves the people God created. I don't want him to do the right thing because he's afraid Momma and Daddy will catch him and send him to time-out, or take his toys away for a brief time. I don't want to manipulate him into doing what is right, because if I do that, what happens to him when he's a grown man? I talk about this stuff with him many times throughout the weeks. Yes, he's only four years old, but he thinks an awful lot. And I want him to understand that God loves him, and that is reason enough to do the right thing---even when nobody will know the difference.


Do we do the right thing? Do we ALWAYS do the right thing, or do we do what is the EASY thing? Do we want to do the right thing out of fear? Do we want to do the right thing because we think we deserve a medal for doing so? Do we do the right thing because we're self-righteous? If these are our reasons, then trust me, they won't last. Eventually we will find out that those reasons are not good enough to base one's life on.


Christ didn't take the easy road. If He had done what everyone else wanted, He couldn't have accomplished all the things He was sent to earth in the flesh to do. But He still did the very hard things, the things that cost him friends, brought scrutiny, and cost Him His very life.



Have you been doing the right thing? What is your motivation? Fear, self-righteousness, or LOVE from God, and for Him, and all whom He created?



"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught." ~J.C. Watts



"The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out." ~Thomas Babington Macaulay




"...but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people." -I Thessalonians 5:15b



"We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also." -I John 4:19-21-



*If you're wondering why I picked these particular verses, it's because everything hinges off of love. LOVE IS A VERB. God SHOWS his love for us, He doesn't just tell us. So in the same way we should understand His love, so we can ACTIVELY love Him, ourselves, and one another. That is when doing what is right comes easily to us, though it may not be the easy thing to do, we shouldn't have to think twice. It will happen automatically when it comes from a place called LOVE.

IT'S NEVER EASY.

We were NEVER promised that life would be easy. We were also never promised that we'd have an abundance of friends and family with us through the hard times. Sometimes it's just lonely. Sometimes there's nothing we can do about it, though we try with all our might. Sometimes life is full of storms, and it has nothing to do with what you have or have not done. If you've experienced a time like this, or are right now, I hope you're as encouraged by these verses as I am. There are times in life when one doesn't need anything but another warm body to listen to them, to cry with them, to sit silently with them through the storms that may last longer than expected. These are the times when God's children should not show you judgment and scorn, but instead; comfort, understanding, and hope............

"But God, who comforts the depressed,..." -II Corinthians 7:6

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." -Romans 12:15-

"Jesus wept." -John 11:35-

"For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ." -II Corinthians 1:5-

"...Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" -Job 2:10b-

"In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider---God has made the one as well as the other so that man will not discover anything that will be after him." -Ecclesiastes 7:14-

"Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?" -Lamentations 3:38-

"Trouble and anguish have come upon me, yet Your commandments are my delight." -Psalm 119:143-

"My soul weeps because of grief; strengthen me according to Your Word." -Psalm 119:28-

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." -Psalm 27:13-

"In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears." -Psalm 18:6-

".......You have been the helper of the orphan." -Psalm 10:14b-

"He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark." -Psalm 91:4-

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." -Matthew 5:4-

"Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." -I Peter 5:7-

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil," -Hebrews 6:19-

"Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28-

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." -John 16:33-

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not grow weary." -Galatians 6:9-

"For I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God." -Psalm 38:15-

"And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You." -Psalm 39:7-

THINGS SOMETIMES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL
MY BREATH CAN BE TAKEN AWAY
SO GOOD IN EVERY ASPECT,
IN THAT MOMENT, I WISH I COULD STAY.

BEAUTY IN A KISS FROM THE
SWEETEST MAN I KNOW,
BEAUTY IN THE FRESH SMELL OF RAIN
AND AFTERWARDS THE RAINBOW.

AND THEN SOMETIMES LIFE SEEMS
TO TAKE A TURN AROUND
IT SEEMS LIKE I CAN’T GET MY HEAD
OUT FROM UNDERGROUND.

DEATH HAPPENS, TRAGEDY COMES
IN SO MANY WAYS TO SAY
SO MUCH HURT I’VE SEEN AROUND ME
SOMETIMES I SEE IT EVERYDAY.

I CRY, I HURT, I MOURN,
AND WHEN THAT TIME PASSES, I SEE
THAT SO MUCH HURT IS AFFECTING OTHERS,
AND NOT ONLY ME.

SO I WAIT, I PRAY, I CRY
FOR THE DAY TO ARRIVE
WHEN EVERY PERSON AND EVERY LIVING THING
WILL BE GIVEN BRAND NEW LIFE.

AND IN THE DAY I HOPE FOR,
DEATH WILL HAVE NO SAY,
TEARS WILL BE WIPED FROM THE ONLY ONE
WHO WILL NEVER GO AWAY.

POVERTY WILL VANQUISH,
HORRIBLE THINGS ALL DISAPPEAR,
NO MORE WORRIES ABOUT ANYTHING,
BECAUSE OUR MAKER WILL BE HERE.

EVERYTHING BROKEN WILL BE FIXED
IN THE BLINKING OF AN EYE.
NOTHING HERE IN THIS WORLD CAN DO THAT-
EVEN AS HARD AS I MAY TRY.

SO MANY THINGS I COULD HOPE IN HERE
A DOCTRINE, A JOB, A CAUSE, A MAN…
BUT THEY ALL SEEM SO EMPTY
WHEN I SEE MY LORD’S OUTSTRETCHED HAND.

SO AS LIFE KEEPS HAPPENING AROUND ME,
THE JOY, THE PAIN, THE SORROW, THE GLADNESS,
I’LL REMEMBER THAT HE SAID ONE DAY
HE’LL TAKE AWAY ALL THIS MADNESS.

JESSICA SCHAFER
April 18, 2008

I won’t pretend I have the answers,
For You know how clueless I am.
I’ll just keep holding my arm out,
Letting you lead me by the hand.

I won’t pretend that I’m not hurting while
I’m living through sorrow and doubt…
But I will keep coming to you,
While life is so hard to figure out.

I won’t find another substitute to make
Myself feel better for a little while…
I will continue to lay myself at your feet
I will not let myself live in denial.

I will keep hoping though everything
In life sometimes seems full of despair…
I’ll keep asking You to come and act,
I’ll keep giving You every care.

Though things may spiral downward,
And loneliness is always near,
I’ll keep holding onto hope in You…
I’ll keep trying to let go of fear.

Though I’m told by others, and often myself
That it’s foolish to trust in You…
I’ll remember the truth of Your Word,
And that I’m nothing without You.

And though your children may continue to hate,
Though they bring no comfort, hope, or peace,
Though they may keep tearing down Your works,
I’ll trust in You for both mine and their release.

Though it seems today that Your followers
Are spreading nothing but disunity and hate,
I’ll still pray for them--myself, included-
Because I know with You, it’s never too late.

Even when there are days I feel a very little piece
Of what Job felt years ago…..
I will keep hoping in You, My Lord,
You’re the Only One who really knows.

Though I come to you empty-handed
With nothing at all but myself to give,
I’ll keep waiting on you to deliver me,
For it’s because of You that I live.

J.N.S. 07-04-09

Six years ago my life changed.

My husband and I became one. On that day, I never believed I had any room left to love him any more than I already did.....but I was mistaken. I love him more today than I did then. He makes me laugh. He loves me so intensely, so whole-heartedly, so lovely. He loves me not with just mere words....but with his very being, his whole self. He loves me even when I am not so lovely to him. My heart is so full, so satisfied with this man that God gave me. We wake up everyday, and enjoy our marriage, our family. Life has brought many heartaches, beyond our control....especially over the last year and a half in dealing with The Great Sadness. He has been my soft place to land when I needed comfort and encouragement....when I needed someone to just hear me cry. I LOVE YOU, Darryl. I have many nicknames for you. But my favorite one is "My Love."

Ephesians 5:25 reads: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her"

This man has loved me in such a way, everyday, without question. My Momma loved him so much for a reason. My Daddy told me when we first started dating that he'd been praying that God would send me my husband, and that he'd be a godly man. Thanks, Daddy. Your prayers were heard.

Happy anniversary, My Love. Loving you comes so easily.

HAPPY DADDY DAY!!